Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap says:
Jami! I figure I should really start reading some of your other pieces since you have read so many of mine. I have to say that I thought it was Draco from the very beginning of the story. For some reason, even though the whole he has his mother's eyes line made me think of Harry for a moment. There was something that screamed Malfoy to me. I think it had to be the way they talked about the cause because I don't think anyone would have seriously considered second guessing the Order or Dumbledore like that. I think everyone had this mentality that no matter what Dumbledore could keep them safe.

There were a few things though:

"Not forever. I'll get us out of this, for him." the hand touched a swell beneath the woman's dress. New life beating under it.

^ 'the' should be 'The'

You actually did this a few times within in this piece.

I, I don't know.

^ I think it would read more powerfully like this: I...I don't know.

The ellipses drags it out, makes it a slight dramatic pause that's needed because this is a very emotional scene.

they fell asleep together,

^ Again. 'they' should be 'They.'

I think with a quick edit you should find all the little lower cased words that should be capitalized. Other than that I really enjoyed it. I liked not knowing for sure who the couple was until the very end. For such a short piece you were able to convey a really strong scene.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for spotting the typos, darling! I really am putting off editing this and Loving Through Tragedy. You aren't the only one that hates editing around here ;).

Anyway, you weren't tricked??? Rawr. It's because your so tricky that you can't even be tricked!!

Thanks for the review Miss Alyssa ♥

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 411
Submit Report: