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Review:Violet Gryfindor says:
That ending! How painful to end on that, but how perfect too! It's a powerfully emotional memory for Sirius, that moment they became brothers, and it explains why he believed so deeply that he had betrayed the Potters. He wasn't there for them in their time of need, and no matter the reason why he couldn't be there, he would still blame himself. What a fantastic choice you made with that memory!

You portrayed the Marauders very well, keeping safely to canon, which is always a lovely thing to see. I also liked how you balanced the angst of the frame story (the Potters' death) with the schoolboy pranks and detentions in the memories. Many of the memories were equally dramatic, but you smoothly incorporated humour, too, like with Snape's exploding meal and McGonagall's choice of detention (lol, so like her!). The whole story is really well put together.

The one thing you should watch for, though, is wordiness because I noticed, especially at the beginning, that your language and syntax need some smoothing out. There was less of a problem as the story moved along, but I noticed that some of the transitions between the present and the past, particularly when you jump from Harry's birth to the final prank on Snape - it happened so fast that I couldn't figure out what was going on at first. That's definitely a part of the story that you could look at again.

Great work with this story! I hope you write more about the Marauders because you did a really good job with them! :D

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