Hi! I'm here for your review request from the forums! i'm sorry it's taken me so long but life has gotten so hectic lately!
So this chapter was jammed back with action and broiling emotions! You continue doing an excellent job with writing the emotions and the insecurities of your characters. Which is great to see that you can consistently bring that to your writing and it makes your writing relatable because we all wonder at some point about if the person we love loves us back or if we're just being used.
Pacing wise i think that the execution was fairly spot on with this chapter and i think you did a great job with writing from the scene in the summer to the end. However, with that said, the first scene seemed a little out of the blue. I found myself wondering if Leanne would do that with Katie considering what Katie was going through. It almost felt like she was using Katie's state to fulfill her own needs. Which i don't think was your intention at all but it's crossed my mind.
I think you also did a great job with the morning after's reaction though and how Leanne suddenly became insecure of what actually happened. It wouldn't easy to be in that situation where you wonder if you had been used or if the other person was regretting what happened. I think you approached that well and also her reaction to her mum i could see happening as well. However, there was such a change with her mum that part of me wondered if they it would have been that extreme. I could see how she may say sorry to her mum for being rude or at least trying to smooth things over.
I thought Katie's fear of the love word was legit and that she would feel that way considering her past and i think you wrote that well and it felt real rather than plotted. Great execution with that.
There were times that i wanted to know what was going on around Katie and Leanne. You did a great job at pulling in a canon event at the end but then there other moments that they seemed isolated in time, as if they were walking in white space. Like, where they in Leanne's dorm when she wanted to say i love you or Katie's or were they even in a dorm? It makes sense to an extent to have it this way since it shows how wrapped up in each other they were and this is a story that Leanne is telling someone else so it would obviously focus on the people. But there were times that i just wanted to be able to place them somewhere and see what was happening around them.
Overall i think you've done a good job at exploring these two characters though and i really enjoyed being introduced to this story! So thanks for requesting me and i hope you found this review helpful :D
Author's Response: Hiya,
Haha, I took a while to respond too, so no worries ;)
I'm glad you liked the action and the emotions -- I think this chapter out of all three chapters was probably the strongest, mostly because I could focus on individual events in a lot more detail. It's lovely to know that it's relatable :)
Eeep, I get what you mean about the first scene. It *was* meant to seem, at least to Leanne, like Leanne was just using Katie for her own needs more than anything, hence why she felt so unsure about it the morning after, especially since Katie just disappeared, too. Obviously, that wasn't the reason they slept together -- Katie was in a vulnerable state and Leanne was trying to comfort her, so it wasn't what you thought, but it did cross Leanne's mind, too, so it's interesting that you picked up on that.
At seventeen, you do kind of change in that respect, and I think, up until that point, Leanne had a good relationship with her mum. After her secret -- that she was in love with her best friend -- threatened to break out, Leanne kind of felt the need to, well, be rude to her mum even though her mum didn't deserve it. It was a bit extreme, but then remember that Leanne just made love to her best friend only for her best friend to then leave her without a word. I think it would seem strange if Leanne's relationship with her mother didn't deteriorate at least a little.
I'm glad you liked the whole aborted "I love you" attempt thing, lol. That wasn't in the original draft, but I think it's something said far too quickly in relationships, and I wanted to change that, so it's lovely to know that you thought it was realistic.
They were in the dormitory when the whole "I love you" thing happened. I did say -- "They had left early on in the feast to Leanneâs dormitory." You must have missed it, lol. But I like your interpretation of things, that they were so wrapped up in each other that they didn't notice anything else. I'll definitely bear that in mind, though, in future stories, so thanks for the tip.
I'm glad you enjoyed this story despite your nitpicks. It's probably not my strongest story, but it's lovely to know you liked it (at least, to some extent, lol). Thank you for the reviews -- they did make me think a lot.