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Review:Voldy Needs a Hug says:
Overall, I was impressed by this chapter. However, there will several minor points that I noticed.

First, I found numerous grammatical, spelling, and punctuation mistakes. I would suggest getting a BETA to catch those mistakes, if you don't have one already.

Second, I felt that you portrayed Lily very differently in this chapter than J.K. Rowling did in the Harry Potter series. Lily hated James, refusing to go on a date with him until their 7th year. On the other hand, in your fanfiction, you depicted her as one of James' fan club girls. You might want to consider changing Lily's personality toward him.

And lastly, I was a little bored throughout the chapter. I struggled to stay focused when I was reading it, and did not feel inclined to read on. Try adding a bit more plot to your first chapter to draw in readers.It also seemed a bit cliche. Of course, that's a general assumption from reading only the first chapter. Try adding a unique, original twist to the plot.

As Always,
Voldy Needs a Hug

Author's Response: Thank you for the suggestion.

Well as for the comment about Lily's personality I know its completely different from J.K.R. I got the inspiration from a character who was the complete opposite of the typical "Lily Evans" funny i thought that was different.
anyways, I tried to make her kind of my own character in an awkward way. And so I thought having an awkward run in with her crush was going to 'draw in readers' especially because its relatable and common.

oh well to each their own *shrug*


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