So, I know this isn't exactly the first thing on your author's page and so not necessarily the thing you really want reviewing, but I saw the banner and the summary and, ah, it just looked so interesting, so I hope you don't mind! ;)
I loved the beginning of it. It was familiar enough to make me kinda guess what was going on and unfamilar enough that I was still wondering who it was, why they were there, what was happening and where it was going to go. It was just such a perfect balance of information v. non-information and I really liked that.
The idea of fear was so evident throughout the story - I could feel that James was scared, that he didn't know what was going on, and, at first, I wondered if it was Harry or someone having amnesia or something. It made the ending so much better! I liked how you used things which, on their own, aren't necessarily scary: the spiders, the car, the centaur, even the Forbidden Forest, but combined them so well to create the fear. The individual scenes blended into each other so well that, honestly, I didn't really have time to think about what was going on or question it, I was just swept away in it all with James. It was really, really good :D
I remember there were a few bits here and there which I thought were perhaps a bit disjointed - ooh, and the exclamation mark after the word 'vroom' shouldn't really be there - but I couldn't really find any mistakes, as such, it was all more stylistic choices. I'm hugely description-heavy when I write, so I'm so impressed you managed to write this and keep description to a minimum, only describing necessary things. It kept the pace of the story up, which was so lovely.
Also, I really wasn't expecting the ending and I really liked that I wasn't expecting it, if that makes sense. I didn't think it was going to be a dream, and I didn't expect it to be James dreaming, either. It surprised me - the good kind of surprise! :)
I thought your characterisation of James and Ginny was good, as well. James was sweet - young and kinda naive, but also fairly logical and a bit more mature than people normally make him which was nice to see. I loved the last paragraph. That was just... ah, it was just perfect. A dash of humour and a dollop of seriousness. It was so, so lovely.
Author's Response: Hey Aph! :)
Of course I don't mind! Any review is always great! I am really pleased to hear that the banner and summary looked interesting though!
Thank you. I'm glad to hear that I achieved that balance, and that I didn't put anything too unnecessary in. I think my writing is generally lacking in description - which can often be a bad thing, but it's nice to hear that you thought it worked in this story! Dreams can be overused quite a bit, so I'm glad it wasn't too cliche and that it was a good kind of surprise!
Ahh thank you! Characters like Ginny are J.K.Rowling's so I try to have them in my stories like they were in Harry Potter. Since I wrote this a while ago, reading it back again now - the last paragraph feels slightly awkward to me.. but hearing that you found it perfect is reassuring.
Thank you so much for the absolutely lovely long review! You are much too nice and I really appreciate the effort! Thank you for reading and reviewing! :)