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Review:dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap says:
I'm here! Rejoice! :D Haha. I'm back for chapter five and very excited. Let's see, you want your review to answer these questions:

I really get into more darkness with this. How did you like it? How was Bellatrix and the entire transaction with the death eaters? What about Sirius's thoughts on Lily's parents' deaths? Did those have you wondering? how did you like McGonagall and Dumbledore? What about how I started the chapter, was it okay? Again, I'm going into darker territory with this so it makes me nervous.

I will try to answer all those questions and mention anything else I see fit. Let's get started!

But tonight she had nothing for him, she deserved to be punished, and silently begged he would do at least that.

^ Uh. Bellatrix. Really interesting way to open up the chapter. First, your chapter image kind of freaks me out because Bellatrix is a creepy character. I like the way she thinks about the Dark Lord. She’s his servant and you really make that come across in the above line because she's like a house elf in a way. She wants to be punished for any wrongdoing, just like they do. I'm sure she would harm herself for being so unsatisfactory.

Lucius mumbled, knowing Bellatrix was wondering why he had just locked his wife away.

^ That's insane. I just want to vomit at that. It's very in character for Lucius to want to lock his wife away to stop her from listening in on their conversation but it's just awful to me. Sometimes I love him. I have a secret crush on him that really isn't so secret anymore while other times I despise him. When he does things like this I despise him.

He really has different dimensions and I think you show them well because at one moment he's protecting his wife from her sister, the next he's pushing her aside to listen to Bellatrix and conversate with her while still protecting Narcissa but also putting her in harms way. She shouldn't be in the dark because not knowing enough could hurt her.

Then again knowing too much could hurt her too. Curiosity killed the cat I suppose.

Subjecting her to mere moments of the burning, strangling hell brought on from the curse, then telling her she would get her chance one day to destroy Andromeda, to please him.


^ I feel like it's dark, yes, but it's also borderline sexual. Let me explain because that sounds insane and just disgusting, I know. I feel like Bellatrix would essentially do anything to please the Dark Lord. When she does bad she’s afraid of what he's going to do. He could kill her and I think that's the option she fears the most because then she can no longer serve him. But then I feel like she wants the pain. She wants him to use his wand against her and make her feel all these emotions that are inside of her that she normally pushes back and never lets reach the surface. She lives for him, for his pain, for his happiness. She is essentially his.

That's what I got anyway, from that line.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it.

Voldemort sat seemingly calm as he taping his skeleton fingers against the nearly black wood. The centerpiece of candles that rested on the table had the hallows of his skin creeping out more than ever. Their pronounced depth and the fierce structure of his face was nearly as terrifying as the soul inside the body.

^ That transition was so smooth and the way you introduced Voldemort was creepy and in character. You gave me a good visual in my head with the 'skeleton fingers.'

The disgrace filled her soul and urged her to continue begging.

^ My goodness. I can't even...you almost make me feel bad for Bellatrix. What are you doing to me?

muttering every muggle candy they could think of.

^ Haha.

I don't know why you were nervous. I really liked the darkness in the chapter. I think it was necessary because we're used to seeing more the emotion and the sadness of Lily and her relationship with James. We don't get to see what else is going on outside in the world, only mere mentions. I think showing Bellatrix and her side of things, along with the Dark Lord, really gave an added insight for the story and a twist.

This is really just the beginning right now and now I think I can gauge just how bad the times are.

Sirius's thoughts on Lily's parents' deaths was interesting. He's hiding something and he thinks it's big enough that James will be upset with him because he doesn’t know. What I really liked about the section with Sirius was the brother comment he said to James, showing how strong their relationship is and how much James means to him. Also, the way James opens up to him. It gives us a good look into James's feelings and thoughts. Of course we know his feelings regardless but they keep getting deeper and deeper.

Oh wait. Peter's parents...are they actually not together or was that just an excuse? Methinks you were trying to hint at something...

McGonagall and Dumbledore were written really well! It's always hard to write Dumbledore. I know I'll never be able to. I wish that section would have been slightly longer though because I was expecting them to be introduced. I liked that you didn’t retell the story to them, that you didn't let us see that because we know what happened and it would have dragged on if you had us look in on the conversation they had with McGonagall and Dumbledore. I just would have liked to know more about what they are thinking but that's more for my own selfish reasons. :D

Really excellent chapter. Now run along Jami and go write the next one! Pretty please? (=

- Deeds

Author's Response: I went 'ek' when I saw your name for a review! EEEK! Honestly, I thought after out last chapter you would have needed at least a wekk to recover ;)!

I am so happy you found Lucius's actions in character and disgusting. I was really trying to show how many parts of him there is, and ultimately make it clear he does love Narcissa but does think her to be lesser than him, and in a way admires her sister more than her. The Death Eaters do get the spot light quite a bit in this, so I thought the earlier I could begin building my versions of their characters, the better.

Bellatrix really is creepy, isn't she? That's so interesting that you bring up your feelings about it being borderline, because to write Bellatrix and start her character sketch I actually put her in the position of a battered wife to Voldemort. She is constantly at different roller coasters. A euphoria when he is pleased at her, depressed beyond beliefe when he is ashamed, and she would never, ever leave him. He controls her, and she thinks he deserves to, she is so loyal to him that she would do anything to please him.

I really wanted to get her character right, and for some reason putting her in the place of a battered wife really helped I think.

Yay for smooth transitions! I actually really enjoyed envisioning that scene.

I know what you mean - Bellatrix brought this werid kind of sympathy out in me.

I think what she fears the most is being forced to live without serving him. He is her life, that being taken away from he would drive her mad. Which is why I made the majority of torture be mental, him making her think he just may take the Dark Mark away.

Showing the world their in outside of the comfort of Hogwarts was important to me, and I'm very happy you think it was a good choice. I will continue to do this throughout just because I believe everyone should feel what these kids are up against.

Every time I think of how young they died, it breaks my heart :(.

I really don't see James as a character to hold anything back. Why would he? You know my thoguhts on how he was raised - loving, cared for, happy - all those are the boundries for a very emotionally stable person. So I just don't believe he would be one to keep his thoughts in, especially from Sirius.

That little line about James being his brother was actually the very first idea I had with this whole chapter :)!. It made my heart smile.

Okay, I seem to have confused people with Peter's parents. I'm sorry! But I am actually not weaving any tangled web of his betrayal just yet. His parents will influence is emotional state the next few years, but their divorce really is happening and not just an excuse.

As of now Peter is just as loyal as the rest of them ;)!

Oh my gosh. You aren't getting one single extra sentence out of that section from me. Not one! It was SO hard to write just that, that easily took longer than anything else in the entire chapter.

I was one thousand percent not going to make people read what just happened a chapter ago, it was boring to even think about writing it, so I'm happy you agree with me not retelling it :)! It was also fun to give the Order a small mention in this :)!


Ahhh! I'm finishing chapter 6 this weekend! I can't believe I'm not running right over to your page to request a review :(!!! It's very sad :(.

You are amazing my dear, your review mean so much to me. I'm so happy you enjoyed this chapter, and the look at to the more darker things. I keep warning people; this is not going to be an easy Marauders story.

There's entirely too much darkness in their world for me not to let it touch them.

You are amazing/wonderful/perfect/I am bowing my bald head to you. Well, not really bald because I can't do the emocon thing ;)!

Jami

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