Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Moonyxluna says:
Hey! I'm here with your requested review :) I'm sorry this took me a bit longer than normal; real life! (in accordance with your request, I did have a fantastic fourth of July! Although I got very sunburnt!)

Alright, let's look at characterization first. I really did like Rose here, and I liked all of the details you worked in about the busyness off the castle and how, amidst the bustle, it was more relaxing not being around her family. Even though she has that intelligent characterization that is familiar, she seems like she's really striving to be her own person and not just get lost in the Weasley family. And then we had Manx. She was good here! I got more of an idea for her so I'm glad you are developing her in her friendships :) The only thing I can think with her is to make sure and give her a few flaws. Right now I get that she's smart and she seems to get along with everyone, but it'll add some realness and depth to her personality if you give her some flaws and make her really relatable. Oh! and then Scorpius. He was only there for a few lines but his appearance makes me curious as to what part he will play, so I'm looking forward to seeing more of that too.

I mentioned the details in the beginning about Rose's inner thoughts and I did love those, so keep things like that up! I also liked how Rose was thinking about that she and Manx should be 'rivals' but that they enjoyed each others presence. I am interested to see if that friendship develops into more or less as the time goes by between them.

Everything flowed well throughout, and I think you're pacing this well, but I think you should make your chapters longer! You know, really give the reader a chance to get into the minds of your characters and develop the story line without it ending too quickly. Just something to think about :)

I loved Medusa! I thought that was hilarious and really neat how you incorporated a botched spell and kept it as the class pet :P

I hope this was helpful! Feel free to re-request when you get the next chapter posted! I am really enjoying this so far and I hope to see more from you soon!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

 
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

 
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


 
 
 

fanfictionworld.net