Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Moonyxluna says:
Hey! I'm here with your requested review :) I'm sorry this took me a bit longer than normal; real life! (in accordance with your request, I did have a fantastic fourth of July! Although I got very sunburnt!)

Alright, let's look at characterization first. I really did like Rose here, and I liked all of the details you worked in about the busyness off the castle and how, amidst the bustle, it was more relaxing not being around her family. Even though she has that intelligent characterization that is familiar, she seems like she's really striving to be her own person and not just get lost in the Weasley family. And then we had Manx. She was good here! I got more of an idea for her so I'm glad you are developing her in her friendships :) The only thing I can think with her is to make sure and give her a few flaws. Right now I get that she's smart and she seems to get along with everyone, but it'll add some realness and depth to her personality if you give her some flaws and make her really relatable. Oh! and then Scorpius. He was only there for a few lines but his appearance makes me curious as to what part he will play, so I'm looking forward to seeing more of that too.

I mentioned the details in the beginning about Rose's inner thoughts and I did love those, so keep things like that up! I also liked how Rose was thinking about that she and Manx should be 'rivals' but that they enjoyed each others presence. I am interested to see if that friendship develops into more or less as the time goes by between them.

Everything flowed well throughout, and I think you're pacing this well, but I think you should make your chapters longer! You know, really give the reader a chance to get into the minds of your characters and develop the story line without it ending too quickly. Just something to think about :)

I loved Medusa! I thought that was hilarious and really neat how you incorporated a botched spell and kept it as the class pet :P

I hope this was helpful! Feel free to re-request when you get the next chapter posted! I am really enjoying this so far and I hope to see more from you soon!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 883
Submit Report: