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Review:Aiedail says:
Hello! I'm here with your requested review :)))

So, you said you were interested in revisiting and perhaps revising or retouching, so my review will focus on things I think you may want to look at in that capacity.

The second paragraph is confusing to me--it seems like it's told from that night itself, but the rest of the one-shot doesn't quite support it. I think I understand that you're doing something with tenses--like, it's in the moment and things that we think in the moment don't have to be true beyond that--but, for me, there's a self-awareness about the rest of the narration that's lacking here. I think you could either make the rest of the story as uncertain and, I don't know, large in tone...there's a tense called the gnomic present and I think that is what you're doing in that second paragraph, and it'd be nice to see it throughout the rest of the story. It's resonant and dark, which suits this fic ;)

Second. I thought that because Bella's fascination *cough* with Voldemort came up so often, we should see him personally in the story. I would love to see how Bella actually interacts with him since she obviously fantasizes about him; it would be really interesting to me if in reality, she was much less forward and she had all these angst feels and then, her weird love comes out in bursts of mY LORD and other things we've seen of her in canon. Basically, I think you could give interesting turmoil to someone who appears...well, only crazy. Because you've done a good job at making Bella into a person with needs and feelings and I think that her relationship with Voldemort himself is where you should really peel back the skin of this fic, so to speak. That puts a different twist on everything.

Overall, I hope you don't mind that I say I found this really disturbing but that your writing was very good ;) I hope that this review is something like what you were hoping for and that I was able to give you something(s) to think about!

Author's Response: Ah, thank you for this. I will chew upon what you have said in adding the bits with Voldemort in there. I want to make sure that it fits within the disturbing time line that I've drawn out. I'm going to have to think about the tenses and such too.

This piece was intended to disturb people :P Bellatrix is just a very disturbing person that I can't help but make this story that way, you know how it goes with characters :)


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