Hello! I'm here with your requested review!
I think you've taken on a very difficult subject to work with in this one-shot. I mean, to explain to a child what death is, to make them grasp the concept, well, that'd be a real challenge whether you're doing it in real life or portraying it in fiction. Nonetheless, I think you've done a great job with it!
You've constructed Hannah's character brilliantly through the way you had her deal with Frank, and how it sometimes hurt her a little to always be second to Neville, whether with Frank or the rest of the people who knew him for his accomplishments in the war. I suppose that, perhaps, no matter how proud you are of the person you love and how much you love them, things as such could still sting a little.
As for Neville's characterisation, I think you've portrayed him very well too. I especially loved how you had him try to appear unaffected by his father's death although he really was. It goes along with the common belief that the first stage of grief is denial. So, you've made his reaction very believable and that's great.
Frank is the most adorable thing and you've made a great character out of him too. Indeed, at that age, children would not cease to ask questions until they really get the answer they want simplified enough so that they could understand it. And they always want proof -I have a brother at that age, you see. Therefore, I found it sensible that he only began to truly gasp what's going on when he saw his grandfather's body, still and lifeless.
I think that the part that got me really emotional was the pastor's speech and how he tried to show how truly wonderful of a man Frank had been. Also, the way he kept mentioning Alice showed how attached Frank was to Alice and how she was important to his life was, in some twisted way, sweet and romantic. I also loved how you brought Neville's grandmother to the funeral; she had completely escaped my mind until then.
I haven't spotted many technical errors; nonetheless, there were a few typos. For example, somewhere in the pastor's speech, I think, there was a "whatt". There were a couple of other things as such but noting really grave.
I'm very glad to have come past this story; it really was a great read. Well done! And good luck with the novel about Alice!
Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you for reading and reviewing and especially saying that you think I tackled it well :) I was pretty hard to write so I'm glad you liked it (:
Yes! I'm so glad you got that part about Hannah! I'm planning on continuing that vibe with her in my other story as well so I'm just glad it was believable!
Yay! I'm glad I made him believable, too! I didn't know whether having him be quiet and depressed was right for him but I'm glad you got it :)
Oooh yeah, I have cousins around that age who ALWAYS ask questions and I knew I had to incorporate that into the story... & you're definitely right about them always wanting proof!
Aw, I hope it was a good emotional feeling! Yeah, I had to put that in the story. Frank and Alice really break my heart at how short of time they had together but I'd still like to think they'd be able to bond and know they still have each other while they're both so mentally sick.
Oh thanks! I'll be sure to go check it out and fix those :)
Thanks soo much! I'm really glad you liked it :D Oh & thank you! I'm having fun writing it so far, I just want to get a few chapters written before I post it xD