|Review:||Athene Goodstrength says:|
Well, this was just beautiful. I’ll start with a few bits that I thought were particularly gorgeous:
‘Miles below the heart of the storm lay a small babe huddled into a ball, shivering and shaking every so often when the noises reached her delicate eardrums’ - this image was perfect. My mind’s eye literally swivelled down from the heart of the storm and zoomed down through the rain to the little huddled dragon (although at first I thought of a human baby, you sneaky writer!)
‘She moved quietly to her baby, unsure of how best to lay alongside her flesh and blood without further disturbing her. After a moment of contemplation, she chose to curl up behind her, and threw a large wing over the tiny body.’ Another beautiful image, and I adore the way Delilah has to think how best to be gentle. Just lovely.
‘She used her powerful, dark wing to push the baby behind her, wrapping her tail around the small body. Calla squealed in protest, but she was able to calm her by slowly swaying the large, purple tail back and forth.’ - This reminded me of Dumbo’s mum, (that scene always makes me cry) and it’s just lovely (there’s that word again!)
Those are just a few of my favourite moments in this story.
Just one thing, really: ‘Very few remained witnesses to this chaos’ - this sounded odd to me. ‘Very few remained to witness this chaos’ or ‘Very few witnesses to this chaos remained’ might flow better.
I like your use of the Dark Detectors, it seemed very natural that Charlie etc would use them whilst trying to care for a wounded dragon. Also, very nice use of the uses of Dragon’s Blood!
It was really enjoyable to see Charlie Weasley as a teacher, I’d like to see that again! Your characterisation of Charlie was really good!
So I’m mad at you now. I don’t like feeling sad… And, basically, this story made me feel so sad! You did so well at making me care about Delilah and Calla and then you depicted how much the men cared about the dragons so perfectly that I felt sad for them as well as the poor dragons.
Seriously, tragic and beautiful. I love that Delilah remembers Charlie from her childhood, that he’s been a reassuring presence more than once in her life.
This was brilliant, you should definitely write more stuff like this. You’ve done Gryffindor proud!
Author's Response: I'm so thrilled that I could finally make you mad! Now you know how I feel when you trick me into thinking you're going to skip the entire train scene! And when you pretend a dragon egg is a baby!!! That's what you get, missy!
I'm happy you cared about Delilah and Calla, I really loved them, I now want a kitten sized pet dragon! I really didn't plan on her dying, until I got there. Then it just seemed like the only real way to close this. She did her job, she got her baby to safety, but she's been through too much :(!
Charlie was hard for me to write, I had a difficult time separating him and Bill in my head... :S
Thanks for this amazing, amazing review my wonderful Athene / Sarah / Whatever Dan (cambangst) name for you being misleading was.
Really though, you made me non Edward glow ;)!