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Review:	CambAngst says: Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room. Wow. There's Mary Sue and then there's MARYSUE*. This chapter was a towering achievement in Mary Sue-ism. Peone came across as sparkly and utterly flawless as a pile of cubic zirconia. It was like reading a vanilla soft-serve cone with rainbow sprinkles. I could keep gushing, but let's get on with this before it leaves a ring around the tub. Using an eagle to deliver her post, treats for all of her housemates and her cage full of finches was a superlative touch. You dug so deep into the "13-year-old girl with zero life experience and a My Little Pony collection writing her first fan fic" playbook for that one. At the same time, I love how you started to water-drop just a bit of trouble into her perfect world with the house elf. I have a suspicion that you're going to tell the horrible tale of Hogwarts under Snape and the Carrows through Peone's eyes and the idea makes me giddy with delight! She's using a time-turner to take classes! This is a brilliant send-up of what was, for my money, the worst plot choice that JKR made in the seven books. To quote my favorite take on the topic of all time, and I shamefully cannot recall the author's name, "You have a time machine. Go back in time and kill 10-year-old Tom Riddle in his sleep. And even if you mess up, YOU STILL HAVE A TIME MACHINE!!!" But I digress. An awesome assault on Hermione's shining moment of Mary Sue-ism. Gee, Pansy doesn't pull any punches, does she? For her next devious trick, I bet she'll reveal to the Whole Common Room what brand of deodorant Peone uses! “Quidditch practice tonight.” He backed up to the boys’ hallway. “Gotta polish my broomstick.” - Bwahahah! Also: "…and that is why I will make the perfect Slytherin. You’ll see. When I’m old enough, I’ll be a Prefect, I’ll save the world, and I’ll marry the man of my dreams. We will all be such very good friends, I just know it!" - It's the perfect yearbook quote for every high school cheerleader whose life peaked at age 18 and commenced the long slide toward three divorces and a plastic surgery habit. Ooh! And just a pinch of intrigue at the end. Squiggles is dead. Coincidentally right after Peone said something to Snape about the warning. This is going to be fun! I'm floored. Amazed. After finishing Until We Close Our Eyes, I never would have imagined you as a comedy writer. Now I'm hooked! Will read more later... Author's Response:* Ahhh, hi there! I am SO glad that this chapter got rewritten about twelve times before you found it... I think I'm done now, haha! Anyway... First off, your REVIEW had me laughing most of the way through. Do I sense a comedy writer trying to break free? I almost want to start reviewing your review because of all the wonderful lines. "Cubic zirconia", "ring around the tub" and "My Little Pony collection" were fantastic images that made me giggle. And the yearbook quoting cheerleader. I won't start in on that. Nope. Not gonna. So, after reading this, did you feel like you hit your sugar quota for the month? I know I did after writing it. By the way, her name is "Peony". You are obviously not Italian. (That was a joke from chapter seven... oh yeah. We're not there yet. Darn it!) It'll probably be stupid but I can't help myself. This whole thing is incredibly absurd and I am scared to death that I've used up all the good bits in the first two chapters and everything else will fall flat. Such is the risk with satire. I REMEMBER that thing with the timeturner, and I can't place where it's from either, so don't feel too bad. I guess I'll just say that all of your instincts so far about this story are correct. Unfortunately, it's going to get incredibly silly, which is why I put a warning in the summary. I had almost decided to do a Mary Sue "deconstruction" with this, but I think I'm going to let Peony be all the Mary Sue that she can be, right to the end. Hopefully, I'll be able to pull off the rest of the story with my dignity intact. sniff I do not imagine myself as a comedy writer, by the way. I am merely rising to the challenge of my peers. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!
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