Sophie, I am in tears! So sorry for the lateness, but I'm here now.
Honestly, I'm trying not to cry cos I'm in the kitchen with my mum, and if I burst into tears, it would look a little weird, but hey ho.
Anyhoo, let's go over things:
Flow- The flow was excellent most of the way through, I just noticed at some points it jummped around a little, but I'm sure if you read over it you could fix some of that :)
Plot - The plot is fantastic! When I first strted to read this, I thought it was going to be like another fic I'd read about going on a train when you die and then going to heaven etc. but it wasn't. I notice Wormtail there, I liked how you didn't say who he was and how he was sitting alone. Also, I liked how the description you gave of him meant he could only be one person, so we're able to guess, but not be told.
I love how you brought Snape him and how you said please don't be Harry, we need him, or something like this.
I love the end, that's the bit I cried at most. The letter is just heartbreaking! I honestly love this one-shot!
Desription - The descriptions were really good, although, I think you could have included some more. You might want to look over some of it and see where you can add some. But over all, I think you did a good job with describing.
Charcterisation - This was really good, although sometimes I think you came out of their characters. Lily was excellent btw, she was so kind and caring, just as Harry's mother has been described as. You made me miss them all so much more! Why did they have to die?? I want them back! Especially Lily and James, Harry needs his parents! :(
Anyway, the charcters were good but some were a bit off.
Dialogue - The dialogue was really good, although I think some of the things weren't really like something they would say, but ir's not that noticable. :)
Emotions - You did a great job with the emotions, I could really feel what Fred was feeling, and how it would be to be in that situation. But I suppose we'll all be in that situation at the end of our lives...
Writing - The writing was really good. Slightly messy here and there, but mostly a clean read :)
Grammar - I noticed quite a lot of mistakes, but I'm sure that if you read it over a few times, you'll be able to fix them :)
Overall - Overall, this was an amzing one-shot that I have added to favourites. I would happily read it again and I'll be telling all my friends about it and fource them to read it :) And, it made me cry, I love stories that do that :) xx
~ Eildih xx
Author's Response: heya and don't worry bout the lateness.
Sorry for making you cry.
Thanks for the review. I'm waiting for it be re validated because I've edited it.
Your the secnond person to recognise wormtail Yay :)