Im back, and reviewing your latest (not really) chapter! I've been so busy, and didn't want to read it and not review, so i waited until i was free and did both.
This chapter was brilliant.
yes, this chapter was brilliant, and i can tell that you that it is the best out of the five that you have up so far.
Rina's character and personality really shines through this chapter, and frankly i think that she is amazing. She is just so cool and chill, and I love her.
James is awesome as well, and Fred is just plain CUTE.
You definitely expanded more in this chapter, and that is what i like to see.
Honestly, there is no more advice I can give you.
Just keep writing the way that you are!!
Thats all I can say.
WHY is it that people read something and don't review it??!!?? Or why do people not read a story because it only has a few chapters??!!
I DONT UNDERSTAND, AND IT MAKES ME SO SAD.
Your'e story is amazing, and if more people gave it a chance, or reviewed it, you would feel valued and happy. I know the feeling.
I just uploaded my first story (PLEASE R&R IT PLEASE??!!) and lots of people have read it but no one has reviewed!! It makes me really sad, and i feel like not continuing it. But I know I have to, for me. But it still makes me sad.
It's only got 1 chapter, and doesn't have a banner (which is coming) but i really put so much effort into it, and man, is it long! Its like 4,300 words!! FOR A FIRST CHAPTER!! AND PEOPLE AREN'T TELLING ME IF THEY LIKE IT OR NOT!!
Im so sorry to leave this in a review, i just needed to get it out.
I honestly can't wait until your next chapter, UPDATE SOON!
Author's Response: Thank-you so much for your review, as always! We took all your advice and tried to expand as much as possible, and we're so glad that it's noticeable :)
We didn't get to finish reviewing your chapter; our review got cut off unfortunately :( But we DEFINITELY agree on the whole being best friends thing! We were thinking the exact same thing actually!
As for YOUR story, here is the rest of our review:
"3) We've noticed that when there is dialogue, you tend to put "blahblahblah", Notice the comma AFTER the quotations? Probably just typos, but we'll say it anyway: make sure commas are inside the quotations :)
4) We love your humour. No advice/suggestions/criticism there. It's already excellent.
5) You have lots of characters in your first chapter, and we're really excited to get to know them all and watch how they grow. Your main character is looking' good so far. We really enjoy how she's so carefree and free-spirited. What we're interested in however is her back story, after that whole scene in Scrivenshaftâs and with her brother in The Three Broomsticks!
6) Your chapter is undoubtedly and awesome-ly (we don't even know if that's a word but whatever, yolo) long, but we think some expanding here and there wouldn't hurt! Such as, the part where Nala gets kicked off her brother's bed. Expand on why she got kicked off in the first place, why her brother ALWAYS does this, and how she feels about it. Otherwise, the reader kind of feels like they're left hanging, and they're all like, "Oh! Something just happened! But wait, what? We're already moving on to something else? Wait wait wait, but what about the thing that just happened?? Wait! :("
That's about all we have to say, and we hope this helps you a tad bit!! Again, please don't take any of this the wrong way, as this story is most DEFINITELY off to a good start and we don't want you to discontinue writing because we're really really REALLY looking forward to reading more!"
We know it's hard to get people to read AND review, but hang in there! Trust us, once you get that banner up, you're gonna get LOADS of feedback! So keep doing what you're doing because WE love your story and we can't wait to read more :) Don't give up.
Maysie & Jenny