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Review:forsakenphoenix says:
So I think this was an interesting prologue/first chapter. It's looks like it has the makings for a romcom. Audrey sort of has that characterization about her that would fit perfectly into one of those types of fics/movies.

Percy's letter to Audrey was amusing. He really misses her and probably wants her back, but he still writes her a letter telling her that he can easily move on - hopefully spurring her to take action and apologize since Percy seems to think she's in the wrong.

Of course since they've broken up, Audrey finds herself pregnant. I did find it a bit unrealistic for her to take so many pregnancy tests and then when only one said no, she clung to that fact and blamed the rest as faulty. I realize that she's in denial, but it just seemed a bit excessive for me.

I think that your story is really driven by your dialogue and that you need a better balance with your descriptions and narrative. It's not to say your dialogue isn't great - I loved Audrey and Herman's conversation about Gloria's theoretical pregnancy - but I did wish that you did add more description to help the setting or Audrey's emotional turmoil.

I'm really interested to see how she's going to tell Percy and his reaction. Like I said, this is an interesting start to your story, I just hope maybe one day you can come back to it and flush it out a bit more.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, although I am surprised you picked this one, and yes it is a comedy, not so much so much romantic as just a comedy. Because I know nothing about romance.

And descriptions apparently, I don't know why, but it's hard for me to write good description. Something I need to practice on obviously.

Yes, the broken up/pregnancy thing is annoying, but sometimes a person needs a plot. If they were married, obviously there wouldn't be this problem.

And yes, I will be going back and re-looking over this chapter, or maybe I'll just move on. I'd rather not be stuck just editing the same thing over and over. :)

Anyway, thanks for the review.


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