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Review:angel_speaks says:
Hiya!
Emesias here with your requested review!

Grammar: These were the only ones that I spotted throughout:
...She laughed, although quickly halted the quickly giggles when she saw how... Did you mean the "girly" giggles??

The anger that had been broiling inside his came further forward... I think you meant "him" instead of "his". Aside from that, everything was all good.

Flow: So far the story is consistent and is flowing well. Just be careful of your tenses shifting. It's just one of those things that can really affect the flow of your story. (Trust me! I'm still trying to overcome this problem myself).

Characterization/ plot: So far, I think that you are off to a good start here with the plot. It's pretty early to be able to tell how the characters are developing. However, I like how you wrote Sirius into this story as its similar to the canon. Even though he's in a bad position, he still attempts to crack a joke. I'll just have to wait and see how the characters develop into the rest of the plot.

Overall, this story has definitely caught my interest and I'm excited to read more from it ^_^ Good Job! Please feel free to drop another request on my thread!



Happy Writing! 9/10

Author's Response: Thank you so very much for the review, it's very helpful!

Grammar is what I struggle with most - I'll try and proofread more! :D

I'm glad you enjoyed it! I hope you continue reading it!


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