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Review:PenguinsWillReignSupreme says:
SOMEONE ELSE HAS WRITTEN MY NON-NEXT GEN OTP. Life is good, even if this doesn't have a happy end ♥

You know all of the squee I'm going to come out with, the beautiful description, the range of emotions, the slow build up to the climax of the story. I say it every time I review anything of yours. You're so consistent, it's scary. I know what I'm getting every time I read something you write and it's always, always breathtaking.

So to bypass that and move onto your critique focuses. The flow isn't choppy in the slightest. On a first read, I didn't really notice it but on a closer second read for the review, I saw the fragmentation but probably only because I was looking for it. It definitely works and doesn't disrupt the flow of the story at all.

Now the last line is interesting. It's necessary because you couldn't end on the dialogue. It would sound very odd if you did that, anyway. It does sort of fade away but that packs a punch at the same time because so is he and so is she and it's like the rain is washing them and the story away in that final line, wiping the slate clean and wiping them apart. I'm still not sure what the genre of this is and that last line keeps the ambiguity hanging in the air. I think the only problem with it might be the use of 'acting'. I don't know why it sounds very odd to me and the implications of the word perhaps paint too much of an image. On the other hand, you can't take it out because then it doesn't completely make sense and a replacement probably wouldn't work either. I guess that's completely your decision but those are my ramblings :P If you can make any sense of them, well done!

Seriously though, this is another work of art by you. I don't know how you do it, time after time.

Beautiful

xx

Author's Response: Honestly, I think I chose Daphne/Dean because they're couple name just sounds so amazing: Daphne, Dean. Daphne, Dean. Daphne, Dean. I could say it over and over.

ANYWAY. I'm really very pleased that you think the flow is good. It was a little choppy on purpose, but I didn't want anything to be jarring or... something like that. Anyway. Thank you so, so much for easing my fears on this flow.

Gah, you totally understand my problems with the last line! You're right - you can't end on dialogue, but you still want something to pack a punch and arsglasdflkj. Huh. I never noticed the "acting" part of the sentence. Maybe I'll go back and revise it - thanks for pointing it out.

Thank you for such a lovely, lovely review, dear. Your feedback and comments are always so helpful and lovely and they completely make my morning/day/week. You are very, very kind, and I cannot begin to thank you enough.

xx Rin


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