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Review:Cirque Du Freak says:
SO I'M FINALLY REVIEWING THIS BECAUSE ITS JUST TOO GOOD.

So you've started this off so wonderfully. You come up with this simple and totally strange first sentence where you infer something but then double-back and then change into something completely different to what the reader is expecting and I absolutely LOVED that. This has such a beautifully poetic tone to it. Honestly, the words just melt and glide and flit with each other - intertwining into this huge ribbon-y thingy that I just...can't even. iaofjhfsjk.

Okay before I completely lose my mind let me offer you a little bit of critique:

"alone if hadnít been for you." -- there should be an 'it' after 'if'.

Towards the middle (and a little after), I feel, that there are too many commas. Some of them are needed, but I think if you'll look over it again you'll see you don't see many of them.

"your lips taught" -- I think you meant 'taut' here.


And, erm, I think that's it for now. :P

"The ground swoops up beneath me and catches me achingly. The concrete embraces me and I am left, stranded and abandoned, in the open." -- these two lines are love on a platter. They are my absolute favourite our of the whole chapter. I am a sucker for personification and you've been doing SO well with it!

I love the small simplicity of the sentence 'That was a little white lie' because that's when all the thought processes mould together and he snaps and he's just all ssbisdueynjd. This is when my thought process and just general vocabulary go out of the window completely.

I just love the difference between human!Teddy and erm not-so-human!Teddy ahah. It was a surprise and it was so good and you left so much to the imagination and the visual aspects are so amazing.

Okay seriously I'm just fan-girling so hard over this and I really can't say anything else because I am so speechless.

I adore the last paragraph as well its just so wow and Teddy morphing into this other person and usually people who want to do something to get back at other people never really do it or just don't mean it. There's this weakness in them and Teddy no longer has it.

The last line is just so chilling and brilliant and argh you make me love Teddy even more. (':

Okay so enough before I... yeah, I'm not sure how this review could get anymore irrelevent and fan-girly, paha.

Hanzi xxx

Author's Response: Aaw, thank you so much!

It is poetic but it is so ambiguous. Sorry about that! I love ambiguity, so I thought I'd go a bit mental with it. No names. No nothing. Just excess amounts of flowery language and annoyingly pretentious choppy sentences and Roman numerals and repeated, italicised sections. Heh, apparently you like it.

I was a little scared about posting this. It's very different to everything I've ever written: the writing and the plot are so closely intertwined that I felt huge pressure about word choice, sentence structure, even formatting and paragraphs. It's very dark, and Teddy's a bit crazy, so I wanted my writing to reflect that. It is very different to all the fluffy TedVics out there.

Oooh, thank you! I will go back in and edit those. Thanks for pointing them out!

I genuinely looked at ssbisdueynjd for a while because I thought it was a real word. I was all like 'what is she trying to say?' but then I realised it was a good old-fashioned KEYBOARD SMASH! Haha, I'm glad you feel that way about this story.

Teddy keeps wanting to get revenge. He has these dark, angry thoughts but then when he sees her, he can't help but fall under her charms.

Thank you so much for the review!


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