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Review:luvinpadfoot says:
Ooh! I really like where this story is going. It's got a great idea for a plot and I like Lily being part of an odd group of girls. You've made her character and her friends really stick out even in such a short chapter.

I liked the little flashback to their first year. It was really funny to see how even then Lily and James were at odds. The bonding between Lily, Alice, and Skylar and the Marauders was also pretty great. You've set up a nice back story for whenever you need to delve into it.

I only have two real constructive criticism notes for you. The first is merely technical- spelling, grammar, and paragraphs. Spelling and grammar is a bit off, but it already seems like you know about that. It's just something you want to work on.

The paragraphs are also a bit long. Shorter paragraphs are easier to read, especially on the computer. Also, they should be broken up whenever different characters have dialogue. Not really a huge thing, just something to keep in mind.

The other note is on your pace. I love this chapter, but it could be longer, you could slow it down and delve more into descriptions and feelings. I'd love to see what you can do because what you have already seems so great!

It wouldn't take much to make this chapter even better than it is. You might want to try getting a beta on the forums, they could help you with the grammar and technical stuff. Feel free to PM me on the forums if you'd be interested in me helping you with that.

This story has so much potential and I really hope you keep updating! I'm eager to hear more about Lily's fifth year!

(And okay, Skylar seems like she would be such an awesome character, I want to see more of her!)

Lovely start to the story! =)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this, it means alot and i noticed how hard it was to read so i am working on that and i am currently working on making it longer and fixing errors. :)

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