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Review:11whimsy says:
Hello! This is a great first chapter, I really think your premise is creative and original! (And considering how many stories there are on this site, originality is hard to come by!) The content is great, the only suggestion I would have is to try to put in more paragraph breaks, the text is really small and the big paragraphs are hard to read visually. Great start! Keep it up!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! and thanks for the idea, i will try to transition that into the next chapter. Thanks for reading, the next chapter will be finished soon.

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