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Review:Cirque Du Freak says:
Aw, so this was such a cute and fluffy chapter! I don't normally go for fluff but I'm in need of cheering up and reading about Percy's kids were obviously going to do the trick! :P

Just my nitpicking senses coming into play:

"signaling our entrance" -- signalling. (britpick)
"the thought hadn’t occured to me" -- ocurred.
"Kinda gross, but still." -- kinda' with the apostrophe.

Also when using ellipsis [...] you should keep three of them and not stop at two, but if you use too many it'll make your writing look a bit messy and crowded - so be careful in using them!

So its only the beginning, but I can't wait to see what you have in store for us later on! I really liked the cheesiness of the family and I liked the fact that Lucy and Molly were made Head Girl because you don't see that at all in most fics. I also liked the touch of how Rose didn't want to be Head Girl - that was really interesting to put in!

I particularly liked the fact that you opened with Molly and the dress shopping because that was undeniably girly, but also because it still went against what you'd expect of Percy's kids.

I think, in general, you could do with some more description or internal monologue so we can have a deeper connection with Lucy, but it is only the first chapter and you've done well with it!

All in all, I can't wait to read the next chapter soon. :D

xxx

Author's Response: Aww, thanks, I'm glad you picked this story :) Noo - look at those slip-ups! Well, I'll fix them as soon as possible, so thanks for pointing them out. I used to use three, but then somehow I fell into the habit of using two :p Must fix that someday.. Rose may have been the daughter of Hermione, but she's also the daughter of Ron, so I figured that she might not want to be Head Girl for her own reasons, however disappointing it may be for her family, so I'm glad you noticed it :)

Yeah, I /have/ been told that I need to work on my description, and this definitely needs more internal monologue, now that I think about it. Thank you so, so much for reviewing this, as it was such a lovely one, and see you around, someday!

xxx

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