This is the first hpff I have read that is in second PoV. I have to say, I really, really like it! I think you did a good job with descriptions, everything was very alive and the point of view it's written in makes me feel really connected to the story.
You give us some background information without actually stating it. Which is a very great thing. I know that James works at the Weasley's, that he has some unsettling qualities in his life that bring him to the Tavern quite often, he either has a rocky relationship, or is going through a rocky point with his parents, and he's very observant. I'm not sure where the beginning part fits in, but I don't think I'm suppose to know yet.
Okay, let me go see what you marked for concerns under your review request...
James. I'm having a tough time with answering if he is realistic. Does he seem like most peoples 'James Potter the second' no. That's good, though. Does he seem like Harry Potter's son? Not yet. I think you are asking more of his he realistic in his own, not if he seems like what everyone has decided James Potter is like. That would be a yes. I think this seems like an incredible three dimensional character that has some dark stuff buried inside him, is dealing with some things in life that he isn't handling well, and is probably a good guy. I don't think he seems flat or any male form of Mary Sue. He is a very captivating main character so far, you definitely have me wanting to know more about him.
The first chapter is slow. But, it still draws me in. It gives me a feeling of build up, like you are stacking these straws one by one until BOOM, you choose a brick. If that makes sense. I didn't get bored what-so-ever so, though it's slow, I don't find it anything close to a dull read. It really puts a great sense of anticipation in me, and makes me want to read on. I really like that you take the time for descriptions, also. Each little word sentence you use 'swirling it once before taking a sip' or something close to that, just adds another dimension of complexity to paint a very vivid picture for me.
Like I said earlier, I really like the 2nd person. Not only does it work, but it's great. It makes it feel like I'm being talked to, but it's still James, but I'm part of it. That makes no sense, does it? Haha, but yes, you are doing a great job with the PoV.
This was a strong, solid first chapter. I didn't notice any sort of grammatical errors, I was too into the plot I wasn't even looking!
Thank you so much for requesting, I hope I could be helpful, please feel free to re-request. On a side note, you forgot to link the story :). It was easy to find, I just wanted to let you know so if you copied and pasted that for a re-request, you would be able to go back and link it. :)
Author's Response: Hey there! I'm so sorry about the unforgivably late review response - I'm so terrible at doing them and there really is no excuse!
I'm glad you like the second person pov! This is actually the second story I've written in 2nd person, and I'm never really sure if I'm doing it right or not. I find it so hard to tell, lol.
I really try not to tell people things, unless it's necessary because... I dunno, I find that when I read, I prefer to pick things up for myself rather than have every other character stating things, you know? It seems more natural to me. I'm so happy you like it, though!
I have to admit that one of the first things I was absolutely sure of when I first got the idea for this was that I didn't want my James Potter II to be like everyone else's. Which meant no Quidditch, no prankster, no Sirius-and-James-mash-up, etc. So yeah. To do that, though, I took a lot of the less talked about qualities from his parents and grandparents (like Lily's cleverness, Harry and Ginny's stubbornness, for example) and tried to make him individual. When I eventually get a new chapter up, hopefully you'll see more of him! :D
Gah, thank you! I tend to write slower stories. No matter what, I've found I really struggle to write non-introspective, non-pretentious, quick stories, lol. Thank you so so much!
Ohh, whoops, sorry! :) Thank you so much for this wonderful review and sorry again for taking so long to reply!