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Review:broadwaykat says:
Hey! So, in reading this story - I have to say that the first thing that stuck out to me is that it's missing the wonderful descriptions you put into your challenge fiction. I know not a lot of people don't write about Percy or Audrey - so I'd have liked to see a little invention. We know you can do it, but seeing as this was supposed to be a super short spot, I can see why. But you have places such as the Wizarding Indian Restaurant which could have added a little pizzazz to.

I have to say I love the idea of a wizarding paint ball - it's a cute little moment.

As far as descriptions go, I really would have liked to see a little more about Audrey - you do mention at some point she was at school with Percy, and she works at Gringott's - but than her description, she'd completely blank. What house was she in? Did she play Quidditch? She asks so many questions of Percy - who we all know about - but we learn almost nothing about her! Audrey is blank enough that you could make her your own - have some fun with her!

Grammatically, I noticed a few mistakes - Missing commas, little things - but it was relatively strong, and there was nothing that distracting.

Overall - it was a cute little story. It's a turn on a couple we really haven't seen much of.

Author's Response: Thanks!
This was my first Percy/Audrey and IIRC, I was rushing to get this done and tweaked on time.

I'll go over it and tweak it.

Glad you enjoyed it :)

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