Hi! Back for more :)
I TOTALLY used that trick! Bigger hand writing. It works, it totally does. I actually liked writing back in high school too, I was just a slacker :p And then all the teachers started having you type your papers and that didn't work anymore.
I loved the expansion of Brain here. For how large your list of characters is you have a way of making each one of them shine through in their own moments. I can't believe Rose! I mean, yeah, so you don't like the way someone acts but you shouldn't be so rude about it! Especially how she treats Brain. I love the complexity of how each character knows each other and how they all relate to eachother in good and bad ways.
I told you how I was going to point out every little reason why Dare and Minnie should be together, right? Okay, because she's so wonderful with his little sister! I love how their friendship is, even though they're two years apart and have completely different work ethics, they still manage to enjoy eachother company. It's really sweet :)
I noticed a few dialogue tag stuff and mis-capitalized words. For example, when you say, “Whatever, Minnie.” She scoffed, - that should be: "Whatever, Minnie," she scoffed.
pronouns after dialogue, (he or she) unless it's I or a proper name don't need to be capitalized. It's a really minor fix. There's a topic on the forums called "everything you wanted to know about Dialogue" [[harrypotterfanfiction forums -Story help/information. --Writer's Resources -- Grammar Guidelines]] It's immensely helpful with everything that has to do with punctuating dialogue correctly. (I used to be a nightmare)
The Andies.. *eye twitch* urgh.. I know that exact group of girls you're describing, and I think it's funny that they're sitting there insulting Minnie even though they're in the SAME situation! I think Minnie gets the win with her hilarious nicknames :)
More Dare stuff: I loved her inner monologue freaking out that Dare would never confess his undying love for her. And - even though she didn't notice - he totally realized she wasn't at lunch because he was thinking about her, right!? *hopeful smile* you can blame it on 'the bet' all you want, Dare, but I'm on to you...
I warned you, I'm awful. :p
I was kind of confused that there were more than just two different houses in the class together. You mentioned a few from each house, usually there is only two together (like, when Harry would say, "We've got potions with Slytherin" or something) so unless it's a bigger plot part maybe keep that in mind. :)
I'm still waiting for her parents to realize! Every day that goes by for her I keep wondering how big of an apology she's going to be owed for her parents mistake! Oh, and more food descriptions with the cake :D
haha.. I love Dare's comments to them eating.
Wait. Wait wait wait wait. Brain's 'older' brother?
DARE'S A MIDDLE CHILD!?! Like Minnie! Like the title! *flails over how perfect their love is*
Oh no! I have to know what happens next! I thought the last line was such a powerful ending. You know what I'm going to say.. Re-request! You probably already guessed that I loved this. Keep up the great work!
Author's Response: Bigger handwriting, ftw! Hahaha, I did that pretty much all throughout elementary school. After that I had to type everythig, so there went that. But it was great while it lasted, haha.
If you think my list of characters is big now, just wait until you hit the later chapters. I've got so many OC's it's a bit ridiculous. It's good to know that they're shining, though. It can be hard to handle so many characters, so I'm never sure if they've been developed enough or not.
Brain's role in the little trio is to keep everyone grounded. She balances out Nat's dramaticness as well as keeping Minnie in line. She is the "sweet one" out of the three, so it's good to see that that's coming through.
Ah yes, most of those mistakes are just me being lazy. I've read that thread and have been taught the same thing in all of my English classes - I'm just too much of a bum to double check those kind of things. Thanks for pointing that out though, and I'll definitely go back and fix it.
Hahaha, oh the Andies. Hypocrite is their middle names. Practically all the credit for them goes to Mean Girls, even the whole "two blondes and one brunette" pattern. Yeah, I'm original.
Ah, I figured you'd enjoy that. And sorry to burst your bubble, but he realized that Minnie wasn't at lunch because she always sits with him and James/the rest of the seventh year Gryffies. And Min's presence is a little hard to miss.
As for the houses, I remember reading somewhere that with NEWT classes, since they're much smaller and harder to get into, it's all the houses combined. I could be wrong, but for the sake of the plot I'm going to keep it the way it is.
Oh, it's going to be a while before her parents realize, I'll tell you that. I can also tell you that the apology will be quite big and dramatic. ;) And hooray for food descriptions!
Dun-dun-dun-dun! Yes, just like Minnie, Dare is also a middle child. But don't let that fool you into thinking Minnie's going to accept him. Just because they have a few similarities doesn't necessarily mean they'll start being BFF's.
Thanks again for the review, and of course I'll rerequest! I can't leave you hanging like that, now can I?