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Review:SilentConfession says:
Hi, i'm here for your review! :D Sorry it's taken so long and thank you so much for your patience.

So, i think you have an interesting OC here and i really like Kat so far. I think she has potential to be a great voice that will bring the story along. I do want to know more about her as i feel like i don't know too much about her or why i should care if she has a crush on Lysander. Not saying you need to pile the detail about her or anything but i'm worried that she could become a little Sue-y later. While you continue to write her don't forget to make her well rounded and a real person.

Since you asked specifically about characterization i'll try to go into some detail with that. I felt like i was in character overload here. I don't know what person to really focus on and i didn't feel like i could really get to know any of them as they were all sort of thrown at me at one time. This can be a good thing don't get me wrong, it just depends on the effect you are going for i just wanted to point out that i felt a litter overwhelmed with just how many there was. It made it hard to really get to know the characters or know where this story is going plot wise.

However, with that said, i did notice a few things. For one, James Potter. He came off pretty strong here and what I appreciated the most is that how you described him came through with his dialogue and actions so that was done consistently. Which is excellent, show don't tell and you did great with that for the most part. However, I would even dare to say that you don't need to explicitly say that he's full of himself and cocky because the reader can tell that he is simply by how he acts. That makes it more interesting for the reader if we are deducting that ourselves and not actually being spoon fed if that makes sense.

Lysander... i liked him here. He seems really sweet and i liked the banter between him and James. It flowed really well and you could tell they were really comfortable as friends. Which is excellent because a lot of the time dialogue can come across as forced and awkward but i think you did a great job all around with that with all of your characters.

The rest of your characters were good so far, i'm excited to get to know them more as i'm sure they will become more multidimensional as the story moves on. I'm a little concerned with "the boys" though, nothing bad at this point, but i've seen their characterizations a lot before, which is okay as it can still be used effectively and uniquely, just be sure to be aware of that. Make them your own, which i'm sure they will as the chapters move one.

I'm a little concerned about the diary entry, i think it's just that i'm not personally a fan of them in stories. This is your story however and the only advice i could give is to make sure that you don't use it as a fall back when you don't know how to write an important plot point. (i hope that makes sense)

Anyway, i hope you found my review helpful and it wasn't too painful. I did enjoy the beginning chapter and i think your writing is good, your flow and pace was excellent and i felt like i could see the actions of your characters. Which was really nice because i felt like i was in the compartment with them. Good job :D Feel free to stop by and request another ;D

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your long and thoughtful review!

I'm doing my best to keep Kat away from Sue-yness :) She's a lot of fun to write!

I've got a lot of reviews mentioning that, so I'm trying to think of a way to slow the chapter down a little bit.

Thanks for the advice on James!! He is also really fun to play around with!

Yay Lysander! I think he deserves more attention than he gets usually :)

Yeah, I will! They stick together at the beginning, but become much more individual as the story goes on.

I understand what you mean about the diary. Its kind just something I have in there for fun, as a different way for Kat to express herself.

Glad you liked it!!


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