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Review:BoOkWoRm24 says:
Hi here with your requested review

So I thought this was a very good start to your story. Your characterization of Ron was great. You asked if I thought you made him too angsty and I don't think that you did. Ron has always been a moody character, and being when you mix that with the immaturity of an eleven year old it makes complete sense that he would feel this way. I mean if I were eleven and going to hogwarts it would be pretty disappointing if I didn't get at least something new. The one bit that I thought was off was towards the end. You put that sentence "I am a grey rat" in there. I see the point that you are getting across here, but I don't think that Ron would have thought it that way. He wouldn't be that philosophical if you know what I mean. If you added something in there like a 'he was just as ordinary as the stupid grey rat' it would seem more in character and appropriate for who Ron is.

I thought the pacing and flow of this was also really good. There were a lot of different scenes packed into here and you transitioned from one to another flawlessly.

The description in here was subtle, but it worked. You didn't waste time telling us in legnthy detail exactly what everyone looked like or what every crevice of the burrow looked like which I thought was good. We already know things like that and you didn't dwindle on them. Instead you injected small amounts of details like that in places that weren't already addressed in the books. For instance you described Scabbers the way he looked after he had eaten the pudding.

Anyway great start to your story and keep up the good work

-Liz

Author's Response: Thank you for the review.

I agree with you that the bit where Ron has this slightly grown up thought is a bit off (I think it's just pointing out the obvious), I stared at it for a good while before publishing but went with it in the end. But you're quite right.

Thank you very much for your comment on the transition between scenes, thinking back that's something I was concerned about whilst writing it - I had a lot of characters visiting Ron's room to fit into one evening!

Thanks again for the review! :)
Athene

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