Hello there! I'm from the review tag, but I know you've seen me on the forums, and you reviewed my Heavy at Heart story awhile back!
First of all, I want to start out by saying that I don't normally read many NextGen stories, and I don't think of Albus as a Slytherin, but that's my own reasons. :D Just thought I would let you know so that there is no bias or anything in my review.
Okay, so I thought this story was very descriptive and detailed. It was really the little things that made the break up believable. You mention the fights, how Albus would simply kiss her and hug her and then move past it without even giving it a second's thought. It almost sounded like the arguing became so normal, that his apologies were basically a chore. They fought, and he carried out his chore. I really liked that. It can show how someone will stay in a relationship with no love, no companionship, and so the only thing there really is in the relationship is commitment. That's called empty love, and with Albus's cold heart and his reactions to her after arguments, that's almost the impression I got. Not sure that's what you were going for, but I liked it that way.
Also, I liked your OC, Melinda. I enjoyed your descriptions of her, how she enjoys the flowers in her hair and weird things that puts Albus off. How he can't accept those things but somehow feels the need to tell her about it, yet still be with her. It's the little things in relationships that matter, and if all the little things are going to annoy you, then it probably won't work, so kudos to you for contributing that to the story as well.
Overall, I think you did a very good job. I didn't really see any grammatical errors, or at least not that I know of. I guess my only complaint would be in one spot you have her speaking and then in parentheses you have a thought of Albus's and it continued with her line. That was a bit confusing, but other then that, it was good. :D
Author's Response: Thanks for you review!
Honestly, I don't think of Albus as a Slytherin either, but for this story, I wanted his personality to match his house. Sometimes Albus is portrayed as very sweet, brave, and Gryffindor-ish, and sometimes he is a cunning, standoffish Slytherin. His ambition and cold calculation in this story is what ultimately made me decide to place him in Slytherin.
I definitely was going for the "empty love" angle, though I had no idea what it was called. As a real, live human being, I know that empty love can happen, and I wanted to show that in fanfiction as well. I'm very happy that you picked up on that, and I'm super happy that you analyzed it so well. :)
It definitely is the little things that matter the most, and Melinda's "imperfections" just kept adding up for Albus. I put that in to show that he isn't completely to blame in this mess!
Thank you very much! I try to write with as few grammatical errors as possible... It makes for a story that is easier to read, in my opinion. The parentheses thing is something that I will definitely look into when I edit this story... Sometime in the future, whenever that may be! :)