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Review:forsakenphoenix says:
Hey Drue! Sorry for taking so long to get around to reviewing this chapter.

So this was an interesting chapter. I think you've moved the plot along well - Dom and Ignotus finally meeting and revealing that she's from a different time. Your descriptions, especially, were great here. It's hard for Dom to find herself in a different time period and I think the way you describe the setting really helped solidify that fact for us readers, especially how she recognized Godric's Hollow, but obviously less developed than she was used to.

I think the biggest thing for me was I was surprised at Ignotus' response to Dom's presence with the Invisibility Cloak. I mean, I understand that he may be upset thinking that she stole it from him and of course, surprised by her dialect and her clothing. It's all probably overwhelming. But he seemed more violent than I guess I was expecting. I think from the first chapter and what we know of Ignotus, how humble is it, it was just surprising.

Also, Jocosa seems frightened of him - she seemed in a rush to get out of the room and she was "fearful" when she asked if she could take his cape. I would think the other brothers would be more prone to fits of anger that would harm their staff than Ignotus, so I suppose I was a little surprised at that too.

Other than that, this chapter progressed the plot along fairly well. I'm a little shocked that Dom just blurted out she was from the future. I can only imagine what Ignotus' reaction to that would be, though if he's anything like Dom - he might need to sit down as well. Speaking of sitting down, the bit where she needs to sit down, it's a bit repetitive, because she speaks it aloud and then a few lines down, you write it again in the narrative. It just ruins the flow a bit. There was another part, too, where you said 'again' a couple of times that threw me off. The part where she wished she could cut her hands again to return back to her time period. I think running through this with a beta, or at least reading it aloud and getting a feel for how the flow is would work really well.

I'm only doing two chapters per request, but I'd be happy to read more if you want to re-request. I know I tend to comment more with my general thoughts rather than criticize but I'm trying to get better about providing CC for those who want it. I hope I was a little bit helpful! Thank you for requesting. :)

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