It's lllb here, with the three reviews I promised you from my Repetition Challenge. It's a not-so-impressive three months later, and I apologize for that, but I never forgot, just got steadily busier. Now I'm finally here, and excited to do a good chunk of reading. :)
What you did well here was exploring several characters in a short period of time. Daphne and Astoria were the main show, of course, and I like the way you let them clash. Once they got talking, the story coasted on down right towards the last, terrible word. They worked well together. But you also touched upon Brandon (who I thought at first would be Astoria's boyfriend or ex, but brother makes far more sense), and the character I was most surprised by was actually Celeste. You spoke quite a bit about her at the beginning, and I liked the picture you painted of her, in particular the part where Celeste didn't look back in order not to feel guilty. That's a very, very human thing to do.
As I've already begun to mention, I also liked the way you dealt with the plot. It was a snappy, dramatic story, fraught with the sense that time was running out and a battle would explode at any minute, without you ever quite coming out and saying so. The ending was equal to the rest of it, appropriately short and meaningful.
One thing I would have liked to see more of was detail. Yes, I've already said how I liked the way you set Daphne and Astoria up against each other, but that was my dramatic side. My more nit-picky side is still poking and prodding, wondering how two sisters could drift so drastically apart. I would have liked you to just dip into an explanation here. It could even be told by a few quick memories, or thoughts, something to prove Daphne and Astoria weren't plain good and bad. Surely one or the other had some regrets, second thoughts, or hesitations. I would have liked a closer look at their relationship, not just the obvious, but the gray areas as well.
So, all in all, a story that worked. There are some things to be improved upon, but there always are, and on the whole I enjoyed this. Nice job here, and I'll be back with two more reviews shortly.
Author's Response: Hey! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond to your reviews - I've been busy, and I had a bit of a review backup. :( So your not-so-impressive three months later is nothing to worry about, seriously.
I definitely see what you mean about the detail - looking back, I feel like it's lacking a bit of that as well. I'll definitely go back and add more in. Thank you so much for your review, and I'm really, really glad you liked everything else!