Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap says:
Hello! Deeds here with your review. Ah! I just love when you request because you always give me something I know I will definitely want to read. Neville/Hannah? My OTP! I'll warn you, I'm very critical when it comes to them because they're my obsession. So this is what you wrote for your areas of concern:

Does the beginning hook you in? How's the flow, given the short length? Any other general comments would be great.

I'm going to try to answer everything here and hopefully add in a little bit more.

Let's get started!

Light, spilling in through our window like warm milk that comforts children at night. It weighs down my eyelids and seeps into my skin, filling me up like a sunburst. The feeling makes me want to explode, a bouquet of flowers erupting forth into life and love right next to him.

Does the beginning hook me in? Yes. I love the description right here. How itís kind of very abstract and I love the emotion. When I get to sunburst and 'explode' a smile appeared on my face. I could feel the love and that's all I ever want to feel when I read Hannah/Neville. The imagery...the light, the warm milk, the sunburst, the flowers. Everything just fits together and flows wonderfuly. Every just exudes love and comfort. I feel so warm and fuzzy inside.

He is unexpectedly normal, and his grandmother always says that I will make the prettiest bride.

^ Okay. So I appreciate the fact that you mentioned his grandmother because a lot of people forget about poor Augusta. She was a big part of his life, she raised him and people seem to throw her away like nothing. I thank you for that.

He drank the substandard coffee at the Leaky Cauldron for a year before asking me out on a proper date, and then, six months after that, he moved into my tiny flat. He is still stealing my heart day by day with his stories about the Hogwarts Founders, which he reads in Hogwarts: A History on his breaks from teaching, and the ever-blooming flowers in our home.

I'm back tracking a little here because I just wanted to comment on the backstory you give them. It's very simple and fits well with the entire one-shot. I like that it's not dramatic and not over done. I read and write a lot of arm waving and declaration of love shouting that when I read this everything just slides together smoothly. I think the little things in this story is what makes it the best. How they're just in bed. The mention of the flowers, the past and a future. It's all very simple and normal and that's who your characters are.

I'm the worse reviewer. I swear. I never give you any critiques. You're just so comfortable in your writing style and it shows. How can I critique that?

Thanks so much for requesting! If you have any questions/concerns feel free to PM me.

- Deeds/Alyssa

Author's Response: Hi Deeds! Sorry this response took ages!

Okay, confession time - I was pretty much dying to request a review from you as soon as I put this in the queue. I'm so glad you liked it!! :)

I'm happy that the warm metaphors and imagery worked for you - I meant for it to read just like I put it in there, like a flood of happiness and fluff. I wanted to capture that half-awake feeling I have when I get up, swaddled in covers and remnants of sleep.

Augusta should definitely not be thrown away. I imagine that she and Hannah would have quite an interesting relationship, really.

I wanted things to read as being under-dramaticized (is that a word?) and subtle and simple, and it seems like that's exactly what came across, so that's just lovely.

Hey, I love getting reviews with no critiques :) Seriously, though, you're super sweet. Thanks!

-Amanda


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 731
Submit Report: