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Review:NaidatheRavenclaw says:
And back!

I absolutely loved the description you put into this. It felt like I was discovering everything along with Dominique, which was brilliant. Even in the first two paragraphs, your use of imagery was so effective. I mean, you described grass in a way that made me want to go touch it :P And then the description of Ignotus and the village were lovely. I really got a sense for the time period and the shock Dom must have been experiencing while there. Imagery and description is definitely one of your strengths as a writer, which I love to see :D

I think your dialogue was much stronger in this chapter as well. Maybe it was because Ignotus' spech contrasted sharply with Dominique's, but I definitely felt like Ignotus' speech was time period-appropriate this time :)

You still do have some awkward sentences :/ I think that you have wordiness not in the descriptions, but just in your sentence structure that interrupts the flow. (look at me, going on and on about flow :P) Just in phrases like this-"If the time were to be parallel"-it would be much easier just to say "if the time was parallel". It's smoother that way, and your story will read better. Or in sentences like this-" It made her want to cut slits into her palms again, dump her uncle's invisibility cloak, and shove her hands into a mixing concoction again." again is repeated, and you probably don't need it the first time. It's simple things like that that can make a huge difference, so I would definitely recommend looking into those or getting a beta to help you with some of the trouble spots :)

Back to the general plot, I loved everything that happened in this chapter. Ignotus' fear was perfect, and I laughed a bit at the thought of him throwing her onto his horse and riding off. And Dominique's slow realization as to where she was was perfect as well. I think the last paragraphs were my favorite part. Quite a thing to say to him, and I'm wondering how he's going to take it. Because the method she travelled back in time with is so unusual, I feel like the stakes are higher this time and I really want to know how she'll get back :D

I've really enjoyed reading these first two chapters! Your idea is so unique and you have enough talent to pull it off. Like I said before, it may not be the most popular story (which I think is a shame, because it's written so well), but I think it's definitely worth continuing. Please do re-request if you like :) I'd be happy to read more.

-Naida

Author's Response: Aww, Naida! You are such a sweetheart! Again, thank you so much for all your input. I honestly can't tell you enough how much it means to me. I find it so truly helpful, and I've taken it all to heart.

It's great for me to hear that you think the dialogue improved this chapter! Brilliant news for me! And I'll be sure to work on my wordiness; I know that's always been one of my weaknesses.

Thanks so much! And I know it will be an under-read story (clearly I can tell with its few numbers so far :P) and I do find it a shame, but I don't mind it. I'm not writing and posting it for the review count, so that's all right. I love writing it.

Thank you SO much for your input, and I'm glad you're liking it, it seems! I'll probably be back sometime soon without another request. :)


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