Hey there hun. This is Debra20's with one of the hardest review given yet!
I didn't find any better way of starting this review other than telling you that for the past 10 minutes I have listened to three different songs and thought how I should start your review. Yes, your story has had this kind of impact on me.
First of all let me say wow! I haven't read as many of your fics as I wanted but from the few I have, allow me to say that your style has changed a lot. To sustain what I just said I will have to look into one of your longer stories, but comparing a one shot of yours from now and one from let's say 2008 - 2009 you have evolved so much.
My first impression of this one shot was: how poetical. I don't know if this was the intended style you chose to write in, but to me, that's how it came out. Because there is no actual action (plot) but rather description of Lily's thoughts/feelings U had the impression I was reading a different poem. The flow was excellent in my opinion. You mixed the scenes of her memories and the intensity of her feelings with great care and not once was there a line to break the magic this story created. I would have just one observation to make: some sentences are a bit too long. It may only be me, but as English is not my main language I found it hard to keep track of the several ideas expressed in the phrases.
Characterization. Well this was a first for me. In every Lily/Snape story I have read, the one crying and suffering was Severus. But I must say I adored this point of view! If I remember correctly, it's never specified if Lily EVER had returning feelings for Snape. I believe I am not mistaken when I say that we have all lived, at least once, the situation when we fell in love with our best friend. Why would Lily be the exception? That things turned out differently in the end is another story. Even if it did feel a bit odd reading from this perspective, I found it rather intriguing. The way you portrayed her feelings for him were within the limits of possibility. They were not too frail but not too exaggerated either. You can easily imagine her sisterly love transforming into something else, this new feeling driving her to kiss him. His reaction was very believable as well. I can not imagine any other way for Snape to react to a kiss from Lily.
This is the problem with me reviewing your fics. I just love them too much that I can't find anything wrong with them. Like I said earlier, the only thing that made the reading difficult for me was the length of some sentences. But I am guessing it's typical for the style you wrote the story in. Overall I am happy to give 10/10.
Author's Response: I'm very sorry for taking so long to respond to this! I've tried a few times to get something down, but it's been difficult to find what to write - hopefully now I can make it sound somewhat intelligent. Thank you very much for this review! It's fantastic! It's wonderful to hear that you enjoyed this story and, even more so, that overall my writing has improved (or at the very least evolved, which is just as, if not more, important for a writer). My style /has/ changed, though it's funny because I haven't noticed it as I go, nor have I consciously done it - it's just happened naturally.
Wow! Your reaction to this story is downright amazing - I never expected it to evoke such a reaction from readers. The story sounded so strange in my head that I didn't think it would make any sense at all. Certainly the style I went for drove me forward, giving me a framework to build upon and embellish. The problem I had when writing was the lack of action and the focus on Lily's thoughts. I initially imagined this story as much shorter, more action-driven, but instead it became very internal. Who knows how far Lily actually goes in the dungeons - it's really in her mind that she's twisting and turning, struggling to understand herself and her emotions. I'm glad to hear that everything flowed together well - that was one of my major worries.
I will check through the story for those long sentences. They're still a bad habit of mine, no matter how much I try to control myself. Thank you for pointing that out! :)
Yay! I'm so happy to hear that you liked the point of view! That was the most risky thing about this story, not only telling it from Lily's perspective (which is always a challenge), but having her express... some kind of desire for Snape. I really can't believe that she wouldn't have felt anything, not when they were such close friends - it's too cliched to make Snape's love entirely unrequited. Even if all she felt was a fleeting curiosity rather than a dramatic passion, it's more likely that she felt something than nothing at all, like you said. And it's fascinating to play with in a story - it seems to come under those things that Marauder-era writers very rarely do (because shipping Lily with anyone other than James is a crime to some). It's great to hear that Lily's feelings were both intriguing and plausible - I wanted to put that seed of possibility into readers' heads, just to see how they would react and where it would take their thoughts.
Thank you so much for your wonderfully kind words! It means a lot to hear them from you. ^_^