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Review:academica says:
Hey there! I'm here with another requested review :)

Well, there was certainly a lot of action in this chapter, and it was definitely very sad. I'm sorry to see Narcissa pass, but at the same time, I'm glad that she's not suffering anymore. I feel like her state and dependence on Draco and Amelia had caused her to hold them captive in a way as well, and maybe now both of them can start to make some changes as they figure out what to do next. There were a couple of times while reading this that I felt like I might cry a few tears, or at least where I felt very sad, so I think the emotion worked.

The moment with Draco and his mother was really touching. I am a little surprised that Amelia stayed in the room, since I would have thought it would be more appropriate to allow the Malfoys some privacy as they said goodbye to one another. I also think it would have been nice for Amelia to take a couple seconds to say goodbye, since she and Narcissa seem to have gotten somewhat close. Still, like I said, the emotion worked well here.

I think the dialogue is better here -- I felt less like Draco and Amelia were trying to be omniscient. It doesn't quite feel totally "natural" yet, but it's definitely getting there. I liked the description in this chapter, too, especially that chilling couple of lines from Narcissa's medical record. I'm glad you've got a beta working on this now, since I did see a few technical mistakes, but overall this is good.

Great job! I hope this review is helpful :)


Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I am so happy to have your oppinion on this story as it motivates me do write better! It has really built my confidence. =)

I am glad that you thought that the emotions worked in this chapter. You're right she has held them captive. Eventually they will find themselves.

The moment with Draco and Narcissa was really hard to write so I am happy to hear that you liked it. I may just go back an add an Amelia touch to her good bye.

I am also super happy that you see progression with dialogue here! I have been working very hard to get it to feel just as natural as possible so I am glad to know that it is seen that the effort is there. I am glad that you liked the lines from her medical record and the description. I figured it would give it that overall goosebump feeling.

I cannot begin to thank you enough for reviewing as much as you have. I greatly appreciate it! =)



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