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Review:academica says:
Hi Branwen! I'm here with your requested review :)

I love the mood here. I love how you've really woven the tension throughout the atmosphere of the whole chapter, making it as pervasive as possible. You did a great job of slowing things down here and showing the reader just how uncomfortable things have gotten at St. Mungo's. I also loved the little microchasm with Sarah and Alan, because it showed me what it was like to live through the little tragedies, not just the big one.

One tiny critique - I think this could use one more round of proofreading. I noticed a couple missing words and comma splices here and there as I read. They're very small, and they certainly don't impede the piece, but I thought I'd point them out anyway.

I think the flow in this chapter is very good, too. Again, I like how the mood is woven throughout the whole thing, and I could sense the tension in the air as Jane went about what should be a regular workday. This chapter wasn't action-packed, but it held my interest in a much different way, because I felt like I really got a taste of what your summary alluded to and what I had intended with my challenge in the first place.

Your imagery is superb, as always. I especially loved the way you described Jane as putting on about her appearance and how her co-workers played along, but no one really meant any of it. I still think Jane is an interesting character (as is this Sarah person), and I'm very much looking forward to reading more and seeing what happens next.

Nice job! I hope this review is helpful :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Very helpful, and I'm so sorry it's taken me way too long to respond to your review. I'll definitely give it another round of proofreading.

I think I've said this before, but having people say that they like my description always makes me really happy. I struggled with that a lot when I was first starting fics, and I've put a lot of work into improving that. I'm glad you thought it worked!

Thank you so much for the review.


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