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Review:MercyWaters says:
The first line and just the general wording and style of writing immediately caught my attention. That doesn't often happen when I read a story, so I applaud you. I like how the language is elaborate and descriptive, but at the same time I'll admit it becomes confusing at times. It doesn't sound like what would actually come out of someone's mouth, especially when telling a story to a young boy, and at times appears a bit cliched. It's well written, but you should also be very careful when using such complicated language that it's understandable and flows well. Otherwise the reader could get lost and frustrated.

One thing I'm very confused about--what is the story itself supposed to be about? Is it connecting to the war and Voldemort? That's my best guess, but at the same time I'm honestly not sure. I got lost a few times while reading.

I really like the idea behind this, but I think the language could be toned down. You can get the dramatic, "legend" feel across still even if the language isn't as extreme. Like I said earlier, it's very well written. But sometimes that can become confusing.

I enjoyed reading this. Keep writing!

Bri, xx

Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I'm glad that you enjoyed reading this story because I enjoyed writing it. Thanks for pointing out that the language is a little wordy- I love fairy-tale-type stories and so I suppose I was quick to use its sweeping style.

You're correct about it being about the first Wizarding war and Voldemort. What I had intended to get across was that the "others" were the muggles, the "hidden" the wizards, the "wise" the purebloods who supported Voldemort (the "Dark" side) and the "naive" the pro-muggle side (the "Light" side). I'll have to go back and make that clearer, then.

Once again, thanks for your comments (they definitely brought some of the problems with the story to light) and I'm glad that you enjoyed reading it.


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