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Review:Beeezie says:
Hey! So you requested a review from me for this story awhile ago, and then I started neglecting my review thread. I'm here now, and I hope you can forgive me.

A couple mechanical notes first:

In the opening section (in italics), you phrase most of it with you/they, but the second sentence in the third paragraph uses "one" instead. I'd suggest changing it so that there's more consistency. Minor, but I thought I'd point it out. :) Other than that, I loved that opening segment - I think it set the mood well and was just a really lovely piece of prose.

I also thought that you overused their names a little in your dialogue. Usually, when people talk to each other, they use each other's names relatively sparingly. The little sequence at the beginning, before they go outside, is really where I thought that this was a bit of problem. Just cutting out a few of the name mentions there would have made it feel more natural. :)

Other than that, though, this was absolutely lovely! I know that you probably want CC, but there's not much I didn't like.

It can be difficult to properly portray children, especially several different children of different ages when they're just interacting with each other. You managed to pull it off with style. They were each completely believable, and I also felt like you managed to stay consistent with what kind of people they ultimately grow up to be without overdoing it.

Bellatrix in particular was perfect. I've often seen young Bellatrix written in a very one-dimensional way - she ends up being portrayed as ruthless and even a little bit evil. You've depicted Bellatrix as headstrong, confident, and even a bit arrogant, and I can easily see how that gradually turned into bloodthirsty and unstable. Right here, however, she's just a know-it-all older sister, and I even found her kind of cute.

That's not to say that the other two weren't well-done, too, because they absolutely were! Narcissa was excellent, and you really hammered in her role as the youngest sister. I can see how that could have affected her personality, and I think it makes a lot of sense given what we see of her in canon. She really was a bit of a follower, wasn't she?

The only thing I think you could have expanded on a bit was Andromeda. I did get the sense that she was more supportive and generally a bit less daring than Bellatrix, but I felt like a lot of her personality traits were defined by her being the middle ground between her sisters and being less extreme than either in general. That works in general, but I did want to see a little more to distinguish her from her sisters - right now I feel like her character is built more around what she isn't than what she is.

On the whole, though, this is a really lovely piece, and I'm glad you requested. I'm sorry again that it's taken me so long to get this review to you!

Author's Response: Quite all right! Thank you very much for leaving such a helpful review! :)

I am planning to edit this at some point in the future, so mechanical notes are very much appreciated. Writing dialogue is something that I struggle with and am hoping to improve. I'll definitely try and work on that and use it in the future chapters!

I was sort of terrified to try writing children. o.o So I'm really glad that it seemed to work, haha! Bellatrix was probably the hardest, because I wanted to show how she could end up being the way she did (if that makes sense) but at the same time, I really /didn't/ want to show her in that one-dimensional way.

Hopefully Andromeda's character will become more defined as the story continues - I have to admit I'm still working out the details to how I want to depict her. (oops!)

Thank you so much for the review - it was incredibly helpful! ♥ I really appreciate it.


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