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Review:dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap says:
Hello! Dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap here with your requested review. So you just wanted a general feedback for your review. I have to say I'm already interested in the story because Draco and Luna is something I have never read before. This will prove interesting...

Let's get started!

He watched her. He didn't know why he did. But Draco was perched on top of a branch, in Hogwarts grounds; the best bit was he had a perfect view.

^ I like this opening a lot. It kind of makes Draco seem a little creepy but then the way you tie it into the next part where he thinks she wouldn't think so and that it's okay to be kind of 'stalking' her from a tree. That's really a different way to portray Draco and I really like it.

"most people would proberbly find that quiet disturbing."

The 'm' in most needs to be capitalized (M). 'proberbly' should be 'probably.'

Draco jumped down of the branch

'of' should be 'from.'

they really are quiet friendly you know, once you get to know them.

The 't' in they should be capitalized (T).

My mother was experimenting with a potion and it went badly wrong

'Badly wrong' makes no sense. Use one or the other not both together.

but he didn't know it was her mother and know they where at the subject.

The second 'know' should be 'now.'


^ Should be: Azkaban

"I'm sorry Draco" whispered Luna she wiped her hand and placed it his shoulder.

You're missing a comma. Should be: "I'm sorry Draco," whispered Luna {as} she wiped her hand and placed it {on} his.

He knew why he was compelled to staying

Staying should be 'stay.'

Okay so I'm at the end and I pointed out some things you need to work on. I would recommend trying to find a quick beta to help fix up the little mistakes but really they are simple and with a quick read through you're going to be able to fix them up yourself!

I think my other critique would be description. It's lacking. I think you really nailed the character that is Luna, the dreamy quality of her is there and the sincerity.

I think you should work on your description. Close your eyes and try to envision the threstal and describe it some more, describe where they are standing and how Draco is feeling when she starts to open his letter. Dig deeper, go beyond the surface. Also, give us some more backstory because we don't know this Draco that is interested in Luna, why? What was their relationship before this event? What made it change?

Thanks so much for requesting. If you have any questions/concerns feel free to PM me.

- Deeds

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