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Review:Moonyxluna says:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review :)

I'm so jealous of your ability to describe things. When he's gripping onto his wand those small little details from the white knuckles to the nail marks to how he was in the situation in the first place everything was just so perfectly worded.

One of the things you asked about was whether things felt disconjoined or not. It took me a minute to realize this was the 'what happened' for Louis, (not your writing, me being slow), but once I had that figured out I thought it was a creative way to introduce things.

During Louis and the red-headed girl's argument, I think things got a little messed up at one point. You have her start off saying "this is the home of the Fountain of Fair Fortune" and then two paragraphs down (after Louis is trying to hold back his laughter) you this: "No, it's not," she replies simply.-- you then have Louis say it is, and after their small back and forth things switch back to normal. So if you go back and edit just take another look at that.

Either way I think it's neat how you incorporated the Beetle and the Bard tale into your story; I haven't read that particular tale (even though I have the charity book JKR wrote :p ) but I think that's an interesting and unique way to use JKR's writing. As well as the inclusion of Gwenog Jones; I'm interested to see what part she is going to play in this story as it goes on. Again, I really think you have an interesting and original plot here with this story and I can't wait to see more of it.

I do like Louis here. He seems very overwhelmed, as if he didn't really know what he signed up for in the Auror department. He's got a bit of that funny/sarcastic side that I really like, but it's got modesty so that it's not too much and off-putting. I also like how Gwenog loathes everything he says; her character was certainly a challenge for him to get along with, making things very amusing.

Something little, but I thought the reference to prince charming having to go fight the beast head on vs. sneaking around the back. It was cute and so true!

Things did get set up here and I think it's going at a good pace. besides that little argument I mentioned above I didn't notice any awkward wording or grammar problems. I will be looking forward to seeing more of the plot develop as you write, so of course re-request when the next chapter is posted so I can find out! :)

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