Wow. Alright! If I ramble, I'm sorry, but this is unlike anything I've ever read.
First off, kudos to you for writing in second person! This is something so rarely ventured upon that you are seriously sticking your neck out there to write this! i think you have done beautifully!
*The flow was incredible, especially with such a tricky thing to write!
*Characterization--you are a god--goddess, I suppose! But you just characterized so well! James was just so great, I fell for his character almost immediately! The fact that he isn't perfect is even better!
*Imagery was fantastic!
*I was quite glad to see very little grammar errors!
*Sentences..well, to be candid, not one was wasted and they were all very..well made up, or structured, if you will!
*Your style is wonderful, it's so unique and beautiful.
*You avoided cliches! While I'm not the 'to hell with cliches' type, it was nice to see James not being a complete prankster or whatever;P
*The plot really pulled me in. It was so interesting, so captivating, and then combine it with the way you write so beautifully, I was completely pulled into this story. I felt like i was actually apart of it, rather than an outsider. I was really in awe with this!
*The hint of mystery really drags the reader into this even further!
All in all, I think this was a wonderfully unique first chapter, and a brilliant set up chapter for what I anticipate to be a mind blowing story. I am so thrilled with this! This is a well deserved 10/10 and i think you should be so incredibly proud of this!
Author's Response: Haha, it's all right - I don't mind rambling! :D
Second person is something I'd never read until I decided to use it for one of my stories, Seeing Double, and since then I've kinda fallen in like with it, I suppose :P
Aww, thanks! I'm so glad you like James! I wasn't sure if he was believable or not, considering he's a bit older than most characters I've written about and very different.
The lack of errors is pretty much down to LittleWelshGirl99, who's my beta. She's amazing and picks up every little thing! It's almost scary - but amazing! :D
Haha, honestly I am the 'to hell with cliches'. I can't stand them, which is partially why I made James this way. I didn't want him to be the 'normal' James Sirius Potter.
Gosh, thank so so much! This story scared me so much when I first wrote it, because I've never written slash before or about a character in this sort of age range, so it was completely new. Thank you so much! :D