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Review:EverDiggory says:
Here I am with your review!:D

Sorry if I ramble a bit, I just have a lot to say!

*First off, the flow was really great except for the very first paragraph. I couldn't tell if it was just a very choppy beginning, or if you [purposely wrote it as so to give the reader that sense of suddenness when she falls

*The spacing is a bit odd and ultimately distracting. I think it really took away from the story, as silly as it seems. I don't know why, but the uneven amount of spacing and more spaces between paragraphs than others really threw me off.

*I loved the characterization. I felt like i understood Helena on a whole other level. I think you got inside her head so well, it was incredible.

* When you say "give him a piece of her mind", I don't think it should be in quotations. Try italicizing it(: I would also recommend this for when you completely capitalize a whole word, because it seems odd.

* I liked the bloody baron, but i felt like we should see more of him. I think the ending sentence was great, like it really gave us an insider, if you will, of who he is and his feelings towards her.

* The imagery was great for the first half. But then it seems like you got excited and forgot about it mid way through writing this

*I liked the emotions in this; they were strong, powerful, and to the point.

* I only saw a few grammar/spelling errors, but thats easily fixed with a one shot beta!

All in all, I was pretty impressed with this. I think it was a strong piece and it seems like you put in some good effort! I think that there is also a few mind errors, but those are very easily fixed, and then you'll be golden! I really do like this, and you also gets hugs, cookies, and rainbows for writing founders because that is a genre not usually ventured upon, so you really stuck your neck out there with this! I am thrilled with this, and even more thrilled that there is room for improvement, because if it's this good now, and you can still improve, that means you will have a fabulous story!

xx

Ever

Author's Response: Awww thanks :) Yeah the formatting thing is really getting on my nerves. Something to do with the format settings of my laptop. Grrr have to fix that. Oh yeah and the getting excited part is true :( I get so carried away.

Yeah I wanted to start the story like some tragic incident but then it ended up as something else :D Sorry about that.

Ah the capitals. Yeah I have to get rid of them.

Thanks for the honest review Ever. Hugs

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