Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:distantgalaxy says:
distantgalaxy with your requested review :)

A good chapter, I enjoyed reading it and seeing Brienne interact with the twins as she settles into Hogwarts.

Just thought I'd point out this line: ' "Defence Against the Dark Arts," Brienne read out loud'

...ok so this might just be a personal preference, but I'm not a fan of when authors write ' out loud.' Because no one really reads something out loud unless they are by themselves or reading it to someone else...can you imagine sitting in the cafeteria of your school, no friends around, and you just randomly read out "Biology next." Sounds kind of ridiculous, right?

You've written Fred and George spot on, really true to how they were in the books. However, I'm a little worried about Brienne. You haven't really attempted to tell us much about her and it's hard to see her personality in this chapter. Describe how she feels about things in more detail...tell us what's going on in her head, rather than just describing what she is seeing. You did remedy this towards the end of the chapter when the subject of her parents came up (really intriguing by the way!!), but it should be more consistent throughout the chapter. Also, I like the fact that you didn't have her do the stunning spell perfectly, I was fearing that she may stray into the mary-sue territory but you've kept her away!

I'm excited to see where you are going to take this story :)

Author's Response: Hi! :) Thanks for pointing out the 'talking to herself' thing, I don't really like that either, so I'll definetely change it if it comes off as unnecessary :) I'll have another look at this chapter and try to add in more detail and characterisation :) Thank you very much for reviewing!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 889
Submit Report: