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Review:charlottetrips says:
I think the thing that stands out most to me in this succinct one-shot was the emotions. You managed to bring those out and make it clear though the format was mainly dialogue. It takes more than a little skill to actually fit something relevant into 500 words and you managed to do that here.

I did spot some spelling and grammar errors but, as I am currently on my iPad which is not conducive to copy-pasting, I will trust your eyes or perhaps that of a quick beta to help you spot it.

I also had a little bit of a confusion as to what emotion Narcissa is trying to display in the 1 year later section. I becomes clearer as they continue talking but initially, she is yelling yet also trying to hold back laughter while being angry at the same time? Anyway, that was the itty bitty point I had a problem with.

The Malfoys, to me, came off largely family oriented in the books. Now whether that was family pride or family affection is something fanfic writers take liberty in exploring. Sometimes, passing off their actions as affectionate can seem false. That is not the case here.

Thinking of Lucius and Narcissa as these young parents so in love with their child that they would do what they can to protect him...it's believable and sad because of that.

xChar

Author's Response: Power and green can take people over, I believe there was a time before that got the best of Lucius Malfoy, and he really thought he was giving his child the best chance possible.

I'll look through it for typos, thank you :)!

I think the confusion is how I have it set up. At first it's just a playful afternoon with Draco messing around on a toy broom, then her curiosity gets the best of her and she asks if they have a new mission from Voldemort. Voldemort has given them a bit of 'free time' but also hints to the future of bringing Draco into their ring of Death Eaters. This is what starts devastating Narcissa and when the yelling starts.

I'll have to go back through that and see if I can smooth it out without adding to the 500 word count!

Thank you so much for your review!


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