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Review:xxstaindrosesxx says:
I'm not quite sure what to say about this story. For me it was rather confusing, but based on the contest of the story, I have a feeling that was the whole point behind it due to their insanity and what not.

With that said, I think you could have spaced it or wrote it in a different way that perhaps it flowed better or made more sense to those reading. Perhaps having more short lines and spaced out might have made it flow better for the reader instead of large paragraphs. People who think irrationally often have one flowing chunk of thoughts, but because those thoughts all flow together. However, you could have wrote each thought as one line, then continued it into the next line and so on.

Also, the one paragraph that was really huge was basically one big run-on, and I think that was the point, but I honestly got lost in it. I couldn't comprehend it that well and thought about just skimming over the rest because it just lost me so much. I think that was the point, but it just didn't work for me. Sorry.

I guess I understand the concept but I'm not sure how I feel about this story overall. Don't take it personally since sometimes things don't make sense to me, especially if it's not written a certain way. I think maybe you might want to add an author's note explaining why you wrote it a certain way, even maybe briefly describing what it's about so that others might understand better?

Anyways, your overall writing is good and I think maybe if it was just spaced a different way, I might understand it a bit more.

Author's Response: It was sort of the point, yeah.

I know what you mean about the formatting; it seems to put off a lot of people, but at the time I honestly could not see where else I could have split the paragraphs. I probably should have looked over it again before I posted it. I'm sorry about that - I tend to sacrifice clarity for rhythm, which means I really shouldn't be writing prose.
Thing is with splitting thoughts into lines is that the whole narrative is made up of people's thoughts, so it'd be a bit awkward. I don't know. Maybe I'm just being defensive.

The run-on sentence was indeed meant to be a run-on sentence, but I can see why it would be confusing. It's a bit of a divider, that sentence is; some people really like it, others hate it. I'm sorry it didn't work for you. All I can write, it seems, is stream-of-consciousness.

I think I will add the author's note, because it's easy to get confused. Thank you for that idea.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and your review. I do appreciate the criticism.


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