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Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Two things made me laugh out loud:

"Remusremusremusremusremus"

and:

"of course it won't be a girl Moony they've both got way too much testosterone for that"

I love that it is funny and dark at the same time, and I don't mind the formatting because it works for stream of consciousness writing.

There were two points that I'm not sure about.

The first is in the Tonks section where it says "physical remains" - once I got to the end of the Remus section I understood that emotionally/psychologically etc. he's checked out, but at first I thought it meant that he was in werewolf form at the time -- I think it works, it just took me a while to digest.

The other is just that towards the end of the first Remus paragraph, when it gets to "it was a good day it was a bad day Remus made it better Remus made it worse" I could have used some commas or semicolons. I had to read it over a few times to get my brain to accept it. :)

Anyway, I really like it, and would definitely read more if you continue on with it.

Author's Response: 'Remusremusremusremusremus' was not intended to be funny, but I suppose the unintentional hilarity works. My Tonks is a weird chick.

I'm glad you liked the funnier parts, though. You can't have Sirius without the funny, even when he's being viewed through Remus' distorted lens. Or something.

Tonks marrying an actual wolf is a fantastic mental image, but yeah, I see your point; I just mentioned the lycanthropy because I wanted to highlight another difference betweent them, but I can see how that could confuse someone. Sorry about that.

The thing with the last part of the Giant Sentence o' Doom: it would have broken the sort of rhythm I was trying to create if I'd used commas... I guess I could have used /s though, I think "it was a good day/it was a bad day/Remus made it better/Remus made it worse" might have been easier to digest. I'll be more creative with punctuation in the future. Thank you for calling that to my attention. ^.^

Thank you for your review! It's a one-shot, but I'll definitely write more about Remus and Sirius and Tonks in the future.


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