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Review:dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap says:
Hello! Dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap here with your requested review. Sorry it has taken me so long to get to this but RL has been very hectic lately. You wanted to know about characterization, flow, pacing and just a general review. I tend to do a running review and then wrap everything up if I have any critiques.

Let's get started!

My nightmare-turned-reality started when my big sister, Molly, took me dress-shopping.

So I'm a little past this part I circled back up because at first it's kind of confusing. Why is it a nightmare for Lucy? Why start off that way? I mean, I gather she doesn't like dress shopping (really who does) but we really don't know anything about her off the bat so opening like that I'm kind of like...well, why is it a nightmare? Besides the fact that I suppose she doesn't like dress shopping. You don't really want the reader to assume too many things in the beginning because then it could lead to confusion.

instead stopping in front of a fancy-looking shop called Belle's Bridal Boutique.

^ I'd like to know a bit more about the shop. What does 'fancy' mean. Everyone has a different definition of what fancy is. I see a shop that has nice large windows, maybe white paneling and beautiful dresses in the window but maybe your interpretation is different and since you're the writer I'd like to know yours. You know what I mean? Description is key.

You know those wonderfully cliche moments where the girl tries on this beautiful dress and suddenly it's ohmygoshthisisfreakingperfect?

^ I do think the moment is cliche that Lucy experiences but then again I think that you kind of hit one of the points with weddings because I've been a bridesmaid several times in my life (urgh I don't like weddings) and I think that some people (never happened to me) do have those moments where they look at themselves in the mirror and then they see how beautiful they really are and how perfect they look and it just makes their jaw drop. Maybe I watch Say Yes to the Dress too much, because that happens a lot of that show (but that's the point with a wedding themed show).

So I thought that you hit the nail on the head with that part.

I think you need to work on your transitions a bit. I just finished the chapter and yes I do think it was a little fillerish but that's okay because you're easing us in to meet your characters. I'm glad that you are focusing on Lucy because she's so under loved and I enjoy reading about her when I can. The scenes changed so quickly though. Try setting it up better, making the transitions smoother.

I also have to remind you about description. Add more! I wasn't really left with a lasting image of Percy and his wife. I can tell that he's a good father but maybe dig deeper into that. Also, Lily seems to be a big deal to Lucy but why? Besides the fact that they are cousins. That was kind of cut short. Are they very close? Do they do a lot of things together? Do they get into trouble? What? I think adding a little something more here and there is a good idea but it's up to you.

Thank you for requesting. If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to PM me.

- Deeds

Author's Response: Ah, Deeds! It's always nice to get a review with constructive criticism, and this in particular, was so very, very helpful. I'll definitely work on descriptions more, and I love stories about Lucy too :) It's always nice to read about the more under-loved characters every once-in-a-while, so I suppose that's how and why I chose her.

Darn me and transitions :p I'll definitely work on those more, so thanks for pointing them out. Thanks for the review, love! Really helpful, and I promise that I shall work more on the things you pointed out.

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