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Review:Jchrissy says:
Okay, I LOVE that you are really trying to give us an idea of Molly's life, it's great that you want your readers to have a wealth of information! But, I have to be honest, you're drowning me in it. This seems like a story you are invested in, so please take my CC as real attempts to help!

I just read your prologue so many times, and still, I find myself completely lost. There are too many facts tossed at me and not enough formatting to help me keep them straight, does that make sense?

It's really wonderful that you have your characters mapped out, but one of the great things about reading is getting to discover information m bit by bit, and to read between the lines, and so on.

You wanted to convey to us that Molly and her mother don't get along somewhere in there, right? You could have had Audry come to her room only to have Molly slam the door on her, maybe Audry sent an owl and Molly ripped up the letter, things like that to show us their relationship is suffering as opposed to just saying it.

I'm also having a hard time figuring out if Audry hates Molly's friends for certain reasons or because they are muggles. Remember, Audry is the wife of a man who lost parts of his family to a war started because of hatred for muggles. I highly doubt his wife would share any of those similar thoughts. But it may just be her friends she hates, and not the fact that their muggles. I'll have to read to find out :)!

Author's Response: Heya,
I know it is a bit much, but once summer comes I plan on re-writing this chapter where molly and her mum are arguing about her friends staying over with some other stuff as well.

Audrey hates her friends not because their muggle (becuase she is), but because she clases herself as 1st class as they live in a good area and Percy has a very good job. She thinks they are '3rd class' becuase they live on the estate that has a very bad reputation like knife crime, drugs etc...

hope this explains a few things and thanks for the advice :D
-Potterfan310


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