Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:academica says:
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review :)

I really enjoyed this - I felt like the emotion was very powerful. I especially liked Remus's first section, where he was recalling all of the thoughts he and Sirius had when their friends were alive and all of them were younger, and I also loved Tonks's last section with the wedding vows ("and they will be poor" was so perfect in its gravity). I also liked the stream-of-consciousness feel that this piece had, because it made the story flow well for me, and it made all the emotion feel very real.

I do have one tiny critique - the formatting. In going with the stream of consciousness feel, I would recommend that you consider separating the piece into shorter sub sections with single lines in key places just to set them apart. The large chunks of text are a little intimidating to read, and I think the power of the story would come through better if the piece was split up into smaller sections.

As for your concern, I do think the "messed up" feeling of the characters here fits, and I think you conveyed things very well. Your summary is interesting, because I saw it as being a bit ironic; Remus is a constant in that he's always absent, and Tonks has a constant feel to her, even as she continually changes things up and tries to make Remus love her. It's almost like she's continuing to live day by day as a woman alone, just because Remus is so clearly lost in his past with Sirius.

Nice work! I hope this review is helpful :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hello!

Stream-of-consciousness seems to be the only thing I can properly write, so I'm glad it worked. I'd lose my whole niche if it didn't. XD

When I was writing and editing this, I did try to cut it up a bit more, but I honestly couldn't find any other places where it would have worked without compromising the flow of the story. I will definitely keep that in mind for future reference when I write more, though.

Yay for adequate messed-up characters! You're the first person to comment on the summary. I am terrible at summaries because no summary can really get to the truth, so I decided for this one to go for a deliberately ironic half-truth instead, which is very pretentious, but y'know.

Thanks for this! It was a great help. :D

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net