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Review:academica says:
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review :)

I really enjoyed this - I felt like the emotion was very powerful. I especially liked Remus's first section, where he was recalling all of the thoughts he and Sirius had when their friends were alive and all of them were younger, and I also loved Tonks's last section with the wedding vows ("and they will be poor" was so perfect in its gravity). I also liked the stream-of-consciousness feel that this piece had, because it made the story flow well for me, and it made all the emotion feel very real.

I do have one tiny critique - the formatting. In going with the stream of consciousness feel, I would recommend that you consider separating the piece into shorter sub sections with single lines in key places just to set them apart. The large chunks of text are a little intimidating to read, and I think the power of the story would come through better if the piece was split up into smaller sections.

As for your concern, I do think the "messed up" feeling of the characters here fits, and I think you conveyed things very well. Your summary is interesting, because I saw it as being a bit ironic; Remus is a constant in that he's always absent, and Tonks has a constant feel to her, even as she continually changes things up and tries to make Remus love her. It's almost like she's continuing to live day by day as a woman alone, just because Remus is so clearly lost in his past with Sirius.

Nice work! I hope this review is helpful :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hello!

Stream-of-consciousness seems to be the only thing I can properly write, so I'm glad it worked. I'd lose my whole niche if it didn't. XD

When I was writing and editing this, I did try to cut it up a bit more, but I honestly couldn't find any other places where it would have worked without compromising the flow of the story. I will definitely keep that in mind for future reference when I write more, though.

Yay for adequate messed-up characters! You're the first person to comment on the summary. I am terrible at summaries because no summary can really get to the truth, so I decided for this one to go for a deliberately ironic half-truth instead, which is very pretentious, but y'know.

Thanks for this! It was a great help. :D


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