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Review:magnolia_magic says:
Cal, hi! I'm finally here! You must be so frustrated with me for not getting to this sooner, and I'm so sorry. There's always something that slows me down...if it's not school, it's work :/ But I did really enjoy this chapter as usual :)

I think the two scenes you showed me work really well here. I especially liked the part where Harry calls Sirius "Snuffles"--it's the perfect way to raise his suspicions, and I think you did a great job there. Also, I like the way you write Ginny in this scene; she's hotheaded and snarky, and it just seemed like the perfect reaction for her in this situation :)

The thing I like best about the second scene is the way you write James. I love the fact that he doesn't automatically change his personality when things start to go well with Lily. Even though he's trying to be on his best behavior for her, he's still kind of a jerk, and it's going to take time for him to grow out of that. I think you did a really good job of reflecting that in his character, especially at the beginning when he mocks her. Plus, I just thought it was a really cute scene :)

I only have one critique to make on this, and it's about dialogue. I think I've probably commented on this a few times during this story, and overall I think you've really improved at it. But in this chapter it struck me--sometimes when the teenagers speak (especially Sirius and James), they sound more like adults. Here are the lines that jumped out at me:

"But seriously; you talk as if I'm a familiar person to you."

"I've meant every word I've ever said to you regarding my feelings."

To me, these just sound a little formal to be coming out of the mouths of teenage boys. But that may not even be something you want to correct...I just thought I'd throw my opinion out there :)

The phone call was just what I would have expected from Xenon--super intense and ominous. And I like the nickname, by the way. Making fun of his parentage seems like it would be really hurtful for Xenon's little brother. Way to bring in some suspense at the very end...I'm dying to know who the little brother is, and I'm already racking my brain trying to guess!

Great addition to the story! I know your readers will be thrilled with this update, and I really enjoyed reading it. Hopefully you get a chance to update soon, and feel free to PM me as always if you need anything :)


Author's Response: Mags! Hi! Thanks for coming back again! :) I'm so sorry I've taken this long to respond to your review! I've just been going through a lot at the moment so have really little time on here. And don't you worry about being late =) It's fine!

I'm so glad that you liked this chapter! It took me too long to write and gave me a LOT of second thoughts. So I'm happy that it sort of worked out in the end! :)

Hahaha, thanks for the compliments on those two scenes! I loved writing them :) Thanks for all your help too by the way! :D

And yes. I do know that I have a problem with dialogue, but you know, in the situations you mentioned, I was like, maybe it's possible that when a person is serious and means what they're saying they can be a bit formal. I know I do that sometimes. But that's just me maybe. I don't know. I suppose you could say that I don't know how better to write those dialogues. =/ I'm constantly working on improving them though! And I'm glad you help me always! :)

Haha, the phone call. Surprisingly, it came out exactly as I had imagined it to be like. I was very happy with it. I'm happy that you liked it too. And yes! The nickname! We had been thinking about it so much but when I was write the scene it came to me automatically, effortlessly. It just fits too, like you said. :)

Thanks for the review Mags! They're always a delight! Love you for that!


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