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Review:Aphoride says:
Wow. Gosh, I loved this. It was just so good.

I loved the way you didn't mention their names. It was stylistic and it worked because you didn't need to. It was obviously Ron and Hermione, with Hermione narrating and that came over so easily - the characterisation was so clear that qualifying it or mentioning her name would actually have taken away from the story, I think.

The way you told it as well was just lovely. Your language was kinda poetic and rolled so smoothly, making it so easy to read, even if I did have to take it slower than normal, just letting it all sink in. The only thing I did notice was that you used 'abstractness' and one another like that, I think (a word ending in -ness) and they sort of threw the rhythm off for me. Perhaps it would be better if you changed them to 'an abstract world' or something like that? I dunno... they just didn't seem to fit.

That's the only thing wrong with this, though, I swear! Everything else is practically perfect. The quote was integrated in a way I really didn't expect, even after reading the summary and looking at the banner and chapter image and things, and I really liked it. It was a good twist on what would otherwise be a relatively light-hearted quote.

The length of this was also perfect. Because it was so emotionally heavy you didn't want it to be too long, but it wasn't. It was just right.

And the metaphors were beautiful. All the mentions of colours and comparing her and Ron to hummingbird's, and the idea of Rose and Hugo being little twin fires and mentioning blindness, like she can't see anything without Ron there. they were just so good. They might have been melodramatic, thinking about it, they could have been - but they weren't. You made them work and made me understand where Hermione was coming from.

Seriously, this was just so good. Whatever you do, don't stop writing - not if you pull things like this out of the bag!

Aph xx

Author's Response: Merlin I don't even know how to respond to this :,)

I remember when I was younger I used to omit the characters' names in the beginning of my little stories and so I'm glad you appreciated that.

I remember 'tangible abstractedness' used to be 'thin blades', but as the metaphor could be taken literally the one-shot got rejected and so I had to change it, though I'm still not pleased with it. I'll think of something else so it doesn't break with the flow, thanks for pointing it out!

I was really nervous as to the heaviness of it, --it wasn't a light hearted one-shot for once!-- , it makes me feel so happy and relieved that you felt it was right.

Seriously, I don't know what to say. I'm glad you liked it and thank you for saying it! you've made my eyes teary :)

Even if I wrote terribly, I'd never stop doing it. It's just something I really love and need, and thank you again and again! Sorry for responding so late.


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