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Review:Remus says:
Hey! It's Perelandra from the forums and the review swap. Sorry it has taken a while to review...I've been super busy at work that I really haven't had time to sit down and read.

Alright so first off, I had no idea who this Audrey person was...took me a while that this is Percy's wife. So you're my first fic ever that I've encountered the Percy/Audrey pairing. Second, her last name Pond...she related to a pair of Ponds who happen to travel time with a peculiar man in a blue box? :)

Alright now on with the review. This was definitely something that I've never read before. I do suggest, however, that you add detail, imagery and narrative. While you do great in dialogue...your story is only moving BY dialogue.

Adding detail and imagery will help the reader get into your story, specially since you're writing in first POV. Your first six paragraphs (after the prologue) were great and then when the dialogue began, you dropped the narrative making your story feel a bit choppy. For example, you can add the weather, what Audrey feels towards it. Her own panic about possibly being pregnant and single and the fact that she HAS to tell Percy the news. Things like that put the reader in the character's place.

I think that's it for now...tell you what, if you wish, I have a thread on the reviews request...look for me and add it to the queue if you wish!!


Author's Response: Hey! Nice to see you, I wasn't expecting the review, after I answer this I'll leave you one.

It's alright that you didn't know Audrey, a lot of people think she's an OC. I'm your first Percy/Audrey fic? I hope I gave you a good impression...

Yeah, I'm pretty dialogue heavy, I'm trying to change that though! So maybe someday I'll finally come back and edit this. :) Thanks for all your great advice. You'll probably see me soon in the review request area. :)

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