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Review:patroni says:
You will have tired of my raving by now, but this was spectacular. This is the very best thing by you that I've read, I think, and I keep coming back to the word 'stylish' when I review your writing. This entire piece is takes place with the universe as its backdrop. Even in the scenes that take place in school, or at the Burrow, you've conveyed this sense of the cosmos through metaphor and language. "In my seat near the window, I could see the outside sky and to me, the six of us were planets and swirling stars in our own right..." The 'swirliness' of the story becomes even more important when we see, at the end, that it is a narration to a young girl; memory flows through time and space.

Your handle on character is outstanding. I loved Roxanne and loved that I knew her best only for a tiny moment in the story. Dominique was heartbreaking, as was Ron's remembrance of Fred. I also appreciate the fact that Rose is not the heroine in this story- managing relationships and fixing problems- but part of it while also being remote and passive. The first time she does anything remarkable is for Roxanne and it was stand-out moment for me, more so because you didn't force it into a crude narrative of 'How Rose became a Good Person.'

I do understand that this story was centered around the girls, but I wish you'd put in a line about some of the boys. I found Rose's mention of Albus when speaking of people who had finished school with her, slightly odd because we've hardly seen her interacting with him. And I can't see your Scorpius as clearly as I do the other characters; something about him- I wish I could tell you what- especially in his earlier appearances, is less convincing. But here's a thought: your piece is perfect as it stands, but would you consider writing a companion piece? One that uses a different metaphor, and revolves around the boys in the family?

You said in one of your Author's Notes that this story wasn't popular. If that's still the case, they don't know what they're missing. Your story is brilliant, and you are too. YAY!

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